[Baltar]

I just read the polarization blog entries, and they really resonate with me. I'm starting to understand why my life has been such a mess. I also can see that it's a tough choice to make between the "light side" and the "dark side". Both certainly have their advantages. If we have to choose one side and put all of our energy into it (which makes sense to me), then this certainly has major repercussions down the line. I mean, it's really not something you can easily reverse after a certain point (like a speeding train). One thing I'm a bit stumped about though is darkworker contribution.

As I understand it, lightworkers focus primarily on the contribution they're making and let the universe take care of compensating them for it (this is something I have a hard time accepting, or maybe a hard time "trusting" the universe to do the "right thing" which is why I'm leaning toward being a darkworker). Darkworkers on the other hand focus primarily on figuring out ways of getting what they want. As a side effect of this, they end up creating value for others. Creating this value (for the sake of creating value) isn't their primary goal (as it is for lightworkers), but this is the only way they can get something valuable in return.

For instance a business owner who's a lightworker would create a product that's really good because they primarily want to make a valuable contribution, but a business owner who's darkworker would create a very good product because it's what's necessary to be competitive with other businesses and is the only way they can be successful.

This is my understanding of the light/dark sides. Personally I think I'd be best suited to be a darkworker, but there's one thing I'm a bit confused about. The thing is that I want to make a contribution, but I know that being a darkworker I can't focus on this in itself (the conflict between this and my personal gain has created a huge mess of my life). However, I have a feeling that my ultimate reason for making the contribution is to get recognition. Is this considered normal darkworker reasoning?

I think I've been feeling guilty about wanting to make a contribution mainly to get recognition for it.. But if I can have the best of both worlds (getting recognition and making a contribution) then I'll be very happy being a darkworker. So is this kind of thinking consistent with being a darkworker? Or is this an indication of an internal conflict that would sabotage my polarity choice? Also, given my understanding of how a darkworker thinks, wouldn't a darkworker be just as likely as a lightworker to do volunteer work? Just not for the same reason of course.