Carrying excess weight is always a symptom of something. In most cases the cause is emotional in nature. No one here knows what that is with you, any you may not even know yourself.
Whatever you do, baby steps are key. Stop belittling yourself and focus on any and every success you may have - however small. Focus on what is right about you instead of what is wrong. When the negative voices and emotions come up and try to convince you you are anything less than a magnificent creature: listen to them, feel them, and allow their release.
Good luck to you.
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