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malheureux · 12-26-2009, 05:16 AM

I don't know what to do anymore. I've been listening to audio tapes, reading books and attending a few seminars for the past few years and it will help for a while, at most a month before I start the downward spiral again. I used to be an excellent student, always helming projects, popular with teachers and other students and lead a very busy meaningful life with extra-curricular activities and volunteering.

Things started going bad when I entered a prestigious secondary school, slowly I got more complacent and tardy with attendance and work. I managed to be a student of the top institution in my country all the way to junior college level because of luck as they had scrapped entrance levels in my year. It seemed like good luck to me then and I strove to fully utilise the opportunity unfortunately I ended up a huge failure instead.

Junior college ended 2 years ago and I've attempted the entrance exams to university for 3 times now. It's not that I'm stupid, the subjects are ridiculously easy for me and I do enjoy learning. The problem lies in me. Upon entering the examination venue, I start panicking and then flee the place. With the exception of my first attempt where I'd chosen to just stay in my seat and not write anything, I've only ever done the papers of the first 2 days before leaving or not even turning up for the other days even for the subjects that I adore like Literature.

I feel like I am morphing into my maternal uncle, the black sheep of the family. He leeches off everyone, fails at life and also started out as a good student early in life before turning into what he is now. I'm stuck, turning 21 next year and not being able to hold down a job for long. I do well in the jobs I've been employed in and have no problems with my co-workers but after a brief honeymoon of a couple of months, I get the intense need to leave the place at once and never come back. There has never been a true reason, I just felt like I had to quit even when things were going smoothly.

That's basically my nickname for now, 'quitter' because I've quit everything I started. If I don't consciously do so, something will happen that will push me to quit. I write this now because another event just took place, my computer which holds many of my plans, notes on personal development, a huge file full of audio tapes I've amassed through the years and also files containing articles and stories I've written, just crashed and in a fit of anger I had reformatted the hard disk. Happened on Christmas just a few days after I embarked on a strict schedule to improve myself.

I don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to be like my uncle.

12-26-2009, 05:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
malheureux Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 2	20 and stuck I don't know what to do anymore. I've been listening to audio tapes, reading books and attending a few seminars for the past few years and it will help for a while, at most a month before I start the downward spiral again. I used to be an excellent student, always helming projects, popular with teachers and other students and lead a very busy meaningful life with extra-curricular activities and volunteering. Things started going bad when I entered a prestigious secondary school, slowly I got more complacent and tardy with attendance and work. I managed to be a student of the top institution in my country all the way to junior college level because of luck as they had scrapped entrance levels in my year. It seemed like good luck to me then and I strove to fully utilise the opportunity unfortunately I ended up a huge failure instead. Junior college ended 2 years ago and I've attempted the entrance exams to university for 3 times now. It's not that I'm stupid, the subjects are ridiculously easy for me and I do enjoy learning. The problem lies in me. Upon entering the examination venue, I start panicking and then flee the place. With the exception of my first attempt where I'd chosen to just stay in my seat and not write anything, I've only ever done the papers of the first 2 days before leaving or not even turning up for the other days even for the subjects that I adore like Literature. I feel like I am morphing into my maternal uncle, the black sheep of the family. He leeches off everyone, fails at life and also started out as a good student early in life before turning into what he is now. I'm stuck, turning 21 next year and not being able to hold down a job for long. I do well in the jobs I've been employed in and have no problems with my co-workers but after a brief honeymoon of a couple of months, I get the intense need to leave the place at once and never come back. There has never been a true reason, I just felt like I had to quit even when things were going smoothly. That's basically my nickname for now, 'quitter' because I've quit everything I started. If I don't consciously do so, something will happen that will push me to quit. I write this now because another event just took place, my computer which holds many of my plans, notes on personal development, a huge file full of audio tapes I've amassed through the years and also files containing articles and stories I've written, just crashed and in a fit of anger I had reformatted the hard disk. Happened on Christmas just a few days after I embarked on a strict schedule to improve myself. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to be like my uncle.