Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Seeking Truthful Advice regarding "emotional blackmail," etc.

Simmiah · 03-04-2007, 10:46 PM

Hi!

I hope I am not repeating anything that someone else has already written...so here goes. Firstly, I wish you the very best with this situation.

It is trying & I have been there!

I agree with much of what others wrote. Codependency Books were very helpful for me.

I have been abused physically & emotionally by family members & others...

so I think I can help.

Reading the books were enlightening but what was very helpful for me was to confront what it was about me deep down that allowed such a situation to exist & continue existing even after it was firmly established that the person was not to be trusted & did not have anybody's well-being at heart.

I found out lots about myself deep down that surprised me. So instead of focusing on him which it seems you have (I do that too) I take a step back & ask myself "what do I need to do here for the highest good?" & heck..it took me a while to get a clear answer but I did after a while.

Oh yeah! It took me quieting down to (because you mention you are not sure who to trust/what to listen to...you sound awfully confused) by getting away from the people who surrounded the situation (especially those who were contributing to the abuse by making excuses for the abuser & also even getting away from people who were trying to give me advice) ... well it took me quieting down to get my bearings on the situation & listen to my internal guidance to get to a choice I could make.

Personally I will add that most abusers have family members/friends who ardently will defend them. They will support their abuse fully & claim you are the one who is making them abuse you. It completely takes away from a rule in the universe that we are all responsible for ourselves & our behaviors towards others. These people have no concept of that behavior & if you note they also kind of are hypocritical with that concept..ie you are responsible for their anger but they are not responsible for your sadness or anxiety due to their anger. ;p Silly hmm?

I can only help in what little way I can here but I do wish you the best with this difficult situation.

03-04-2007, 10:46 PM	#18 (permalink)
Simmiah Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Northern NY! Posts: 151	Hi! I hope I am not repeating anything that someone else has already written...so here goes. Firstly, I wish you the very best with this situation. It is trying & I have been there! I agree with much of what others wrote. Codependency Books were very helpful for me. I have been abused physically & emotionally by family members & others... so I think I can help. Reading the books were enlightening but what was very helpful for me was to confront what it was about me deep down that allowed such a situation to exist & continue existing even after it was firmly established that the person was not to be trusted & did not have anybody's well-being at heart. I found out lots about myself deep down that surprised me. So instead of focusing on him which it seems you have (I do that too) I take a step back & ask myself "what do I need to do here for the highest good?" & heck..it took me a while to get a clear answer but I did after a while. Oh yeah! It took me quieting down to (because you mention you are not sure who to trust/what to listen to...you sound awfully confused) by getting away from the people who surrounded the situation (especially those who were contributing to the abuse by making excuses for the abuser & also even getting away from people who were trying to give me advice) ... well it took me quieting down to get my bearings on the situation & listen to my internal guidance to get to a choice I could make. Personally I will add that most abusers have family members/friends who ardently will defend them. They will support their abuse fully & claim you are the one who is making them abuse you. It completely takes away from a rule in the universe that we are all responsible for ourselves & our behaviors towards others. These people have no concept of that behavior & if you note they also kind of are hypocritical with that concept..ie you are responsible for their anger but they are not responsible for your sadness or anxiety due to their anger. ;p Silly hmm? I can only help in what little way I can here but I do wish you the best with this difficult situation.