Quote:
Originally Posted by celestialife  Arriving at this decision wasn't a very hard process for me to make, albeit a little surprising. My whole life I've lived according to values that are really very congruent with being a lightworker. I joined the Army with a strong sense of duty to serve my country and honor those who came before me, and to be a part of something greater where I could help make the world a better place. Even there, though, I felt as if I wasn't complete. When I was in positions of authority and had to maintain a command presence, I still felt, in a sense, subservient to my subordinates. I felt as if I had to win their approval to the point where it interfered with the job I was doing. I don't know if that stemmed from an innate sense to provide the best for those under my command, or whether it was a function of my own lifelong insecurity. Maybe it was a mixture of both. Fortunately, I was only a West Point cadet and wasn't required to make important decisions while the lives of those under me were at risk. The point is, even in a situation where a strong and authoritative presence was required, I was still unable to do so, and that has been the story of my entire life. I've always felt torn between doing what's best or right for me and doing what's best or right for others, mostly always choosing the latter even to my own detriment. Growing up I always felt like I was different and stood out from the crowd, and, probably because I felt that way, I had few friends and was socially awkward, always worried about how others thought of me and always trying to please. I'm done with that. Choosing the darkworker path is congruent with the changes I want to make and the experiences I want to have. |
Very confused. So you basically polarize as a strategy to stop pleasing people, especially in situations where you want to be fully present to your task?
Sometimes I also get pretty stuck in various types of lightworker's syndrom and need to really focus on myself for a while for balance, but I would never get the idea to polarize with being a darkworker.
I also don't get what cleaning up a filthy flat, working out and stopping smoking has to do with darkworking. Doesn't on the contrary being an effective lightworker include taking care of yourself enough so that you can make a difference?
I am concerned at the idea of lightworking being about "not being able to handle people-pleasing", "thinking so much of others that I can't have authority/presence" or "not being able to 100% take care of myself".
I'd say: TRUE polarization with being a lightworker would include working on all of the above!