You hit the nail on the head, when you said that you don't see the reason for having your gift....that is EXACTLY what goes through my head at times. I will share just one event that stands out to this day, that made me question what the reason was.
I was in my local grocery store...a well dressed and groomed male passed by me....and instantly I felt like my body was being slammed down on the floor and I couldn't breathe. All of a sudden mental snap shot images of him wearing scrappy jeans and a grey/blue tshirt and barefooted...his hair was a mess and he was angry. Next, snapshot was him with his hands around a woman's throat who looked absolutely in terror. Next snapshot was him holding her by the hair and the expressions of pain and terror was in her face.
Meanwhile, I knew in the deepest part of me that that self confident and mastered manner of being polite when he smiled at me...all that business and professional attire...only hid that individual's absolute hate, anger, uncontrollable temper and the rage he had against his wife....and the reason why I believe it was his wife, was because the wedding band he was wearing matched the one I saw on her finger.
Okay, so what now? Great, I tell myself....here I go again getting all this information and what do I do with it? What is the reason I get these if there isn't a dang thing I can do about it or with it or whatever? I feel that resentment at those times for sure, because in my reality that I selfishly want it seems, it would be better to not have those images at all and I see no good in having them. Like, what was I supposed to do in that situation, call the dude on his abuse issues....call the police and tell them hey officer based upon my psychic "gift" this man abused his wife? YEAH SURE!
I am so sure at that point that if I had confronted the dude, he would turn around and stalk me or whatever. If I call the police, then I could very well trust that I would be taking a trip in a nice patty wagon off to a rubber room somewhere...so, I do what I usually do....keep it to myself and just walk away feeling angry...when I was just wanting to be at the grocery store picking my gorgeous fruit and vegetables with peace, just like Martha Stewart...just joking on the Martha Stewart part.
I just am so glad that those type of psychic experiences happen so rare, I couldn't take it if they were an every day occasion and I would consider shock therapy at that point. I do think you are right about getting healing from my parents and the pastors. Well, if we both stick it out here long enough, perhaps others will be able to watch us both help the other get through this and feel the love for our gifts, eh?
You take care and thank you for your input...I haven't had anyone that has these gifts to talk to in four years or so....and I have been living in my bubble, afraid to come out...but, time is now to heal and grow, huh? I am grateful to no end for this place...been needing people with the same desire to personally develop and grow as I do...just wish I was PERFECTER so I could be of better help.
With much love and gratitude,