[chopsaw]

I feel pretty weird replying to this. Ouiji boards terrify me. But maybe I should explain. When I was young, my house had a bad vibe. When I'd go into the basement, I'd frequently see glowing orbs. They were small. About the size of an eyeball. Never any bigger than a baseball. There were no windows so I knew it couldn't have been reflections, sun, etc. They were small, stayed low to the ground, but could move through objects. It was scary on an instinctual level. I was never approached, but felt that I aught to protect myself from them. It's impossible for me to explain exactly how I did this. I was able to conjure a force/feeling from inside my chest, I never saw this thing I felt, but when I closed my eyes it was gold in color, formless, and radiated outward in all directions (it will also make a baby smile which is something I don't get). My dad still lives in that house, doesn't notice a thing, and would think I'm nuts if I ever told him any of this. The last time I visited, I saw something flash past me. It was out of the corner of my eye. The thing was dark, at first I thought it was a dog. I will not let my children go into that house. My dad visits us.

Twice I heard voices when I lived there. Once I was with my brother, and when I remind him of it he gets really quiet. The other time I was alone. Neither time did the voices threaten, they wanted to talk. The voices sounded like children and wanted to be included in what I was doing. (I'm getting goosebumps writing this). I never engaged the voices, I was too scared. The other thing was nightmares. I would have the most terrifying nightmares when I lived there. My dreams were literally taken over, and in the dreams I was fighting a possession. The one thing I remember about the dreams is that I would try to scream, but I had no voice. I would literally wake up trying to scream.

It continues. Most people who are close to me can pick up on thoughts that I "throw". It's something I would do when I was little and wanted to get my way. I'd believe a thought to be solid (usually a ball) and imagine throwing it into another person's brain. A few seconds later, they'd say exactly what I wanted them to say. I did it twice, quite accidently, this week and my dog nipped at me both times.

The next thing has to do with lights. When I get very anxious, angry or upset and am out for a drive. I'll have streetlights go out at the same time I pass under them. Not just one. I've literally had four or five go out as I passed under them. My friend Jeff was with me once when it happened and asked if I was using "the force". I want to think this is coincidental because only once has a light in the house acted in this manner. That happened when I was twelve. My parents were having a real big blow-out. My older brother got involved. I was standing under the kitchen light, and the thing exploded. Not just the bulb, the entire glass fixture blew to pieces. I was right under it and of course my parents thought I was badly hurt. Not a scratch. In fact, the small kitchen was filled with the whole family and no one got hurt. No one even stepped on a piece of glass. The fighting stopped immediately. We couldn't figure how it happened. But I remember apologizing for it.

The last thing I'm going to leave with isn't at all scary. It's loving. My mother was very sick, and was in the hospital. She'd just been transferred to another hospital with a better cardio/respitory ICU. Her cardiologist told me that she wasn't going to make it through the night. That night I visited her, but I was a gold orb, I was as big as the hallway, I had a gold string that went back to my body, and I wrapped my self around my mother like a blanket. I am usually a very light sleeper, but the nurse was physically shaking me awake asking me if I was Jim. I said I was. She said my mother wanted to see me. When I went to see her she asked if I was in her room that night. I wasn't. The doctors were so busy attending to her after the transfer that I wasn't allowed into the ICU. But I recognized everything and knew exactly which room my mother was in. I didn't intend this to happen, I just wanted to do something to help her. A few years later when she did die, I wasn't in the hospital. She told me earlier that week she'd send me a sign. Around the same time that she died, I was driving to a friend's to get a shower and a break from the hospital. As I was driving a deer walked in front of my car. I stopped. The deer, a big doe, looked right at me, held my gaze, and then walked off into the woods. I knew at that moment that my mother had died.

My wife thinks that I should explore these elements, but I have to say it scares me. I don't even want to go near a Tarot deck. I guess it's because I sense an immense power there, but know nothing about it. I can't manipulate things, otherwise I'd win the lottery. But sometimes I get a really strong feeling (sometimes it's a clear picture or deja vu moment)about outcomes, before they happen. I guess I want to learn more about this, but at a safe distance.