my heart goes out to you.
over the past year and change i have experience similar situation on a different level.
my mom, who was very independent to the age of 80 suffered some serious health problems in succession culminating with small strokes. she had been in assitsted living and ultimately needed to go to a nursing home.
i am not saying this is what you should do. i wish i was in a position where i had the w/c friendly home and didn't have to work and had the finances to keep her at home. my brother in california (i am in florida) would take her, but he has no concept of what it would entail.
during all of this, on one visit to my mom before she was moved closer to my husband and i (he has been terrific, by the way) suffered a small stroke due to his medical issues, which thankfully was not serious, for it was almost missed because of what we were caught up in.
so it was visit mom in rehab and then go the hospital to check on my husband.
i thought i was going to lose it THEN.
to try to make a long story short, i almost did lose it all and my marriage because i forgot about my life and who i was.
it was due to a lot of guilt. it was also due to self pity, an excuse to do only what i needed to and neglect everything else.
it is good that you are keeping up on your own well being, but sometimes you are so close to a situation, you don't realize that you may need more.
what you are doing is admirable and keeping your husband close is wonderful.
if your choice is to keep him home, than i encourage you, as others to seek out your resources. i worked very hard to get the benefits my mother was entitled to help pay for her care.
you may be able to get benefits for in home care as well, so that you can get the down time you need. just because you are present, doesn't mean you can't have someone there to help.
my thoughts and prayers that you find the help you need. good luck.
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