This thread has been mocking me. I've been avoiding it. Not because I've changed my beliefs but because I've been afraid to step into the unknown that lies ahead. Afraid of the painful steps that must be made to forge a new path, a new life, really. But what is pain if only an extension of our bodies, a cost of the life we get to live on this worldly stage. The other day, a quote from
Apocalypse Now resonated with me more than I could have ever imagined:
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I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream, it's my nightmare. Crawling, slipping along the edge of a straight razor and surviving.
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For that's all our lives really are. We live, and eventually die, and are either remembered for our deeds or not. So what, then, is life without pain? Why not embrace it because it is a constant reminder that we are, in fact, alive. Use it. Feed off of it. Learn from it. Grow stronger because of it.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by asmoday Continue to put your awareness, time, and effort in self-love and self-examination. Water that seed. Search and destroy, all self-hatred, dislike, doubt. |
Marching orders received, thank you Asmoday.
Some things are already in motion. I threw a wrench in my plans and decided to move back in with my father. Working a part-time job makes it difficult to pay the bills and keep my mind focused on the things that count. So, I cut my losses and am making the smart financial move. Its only temporary. I'm not the only person in their early twenties still living with their parents and going to school (or planning to go back to school). Besides, there's still a lot I have to learn from my old man, and this will be good time spent repairing that relationship. Everything is a learning experience, and my first go at complete independence had shoddy planning to begin with. I'll make it right the second time.
In the time I've been away I've re-evaluated some of my goals and planning, and I'll update that here after the holiday. Until then.