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Originally Posted by moonshooter  Lastly, am I overthinking this entire situation? |
Let's start here. Yes, you are. Chill.
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Originally Posted by moonshooter I know I shouldn't be nitpicking these things in a relationship |
No, it's fine. You're in a new situation, so it's normal to be hyper alert to all those little things that might make you trip. It's like visiting a city you've never been to; you've got to keep an eye on the map and everything is fascinating and all the people are different and and and. Two years later, the novelty wears off and it's just your home and the market's over there your best friend's place is over there and hey, it's the accordian guy on the street corner again.
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Originally Posted by moonshooter But lately, the last couple of weeks, I have been having very mixed feelings about us. She asked me to be her girlfriend a couple weeks ago as well, although I feel like the circumstances surrounding the question were pretty intense. I also feel that she keeps wanting to introduce me to all her friends and integrate me in almost all aspects of her life. The more she does that, the more I want to withdraw. |
So my feeling on this was that she thinks of the idea of being a "girlfriend" differently from you. The strength of commitment she attaches to that idea is probably smaller than the strength you assign to the idea.
My recommendation?
Take a breath. She sounds like the kind of person who you kind of blend into and follow them around and you get a thrill just from doing stuff with. Go with it most of the time; I suspect you've had a lot of fun the times you've let yourself go, and there's nothing wrong with that.
But.
Ask her to take a break every now and then. Maybe go for a hike in the woods or a long drive or maybe a local tourist thing or something else that's slower paced. Something that changes it up from her routine and gives you a chance to spend lots of time together.
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Originally Posted by moonshooter In addition, I think I am still dealing with the same-sex relationship identity. So I am kind of confused about what I want. |
There's nothing wrong with that. You're new to it and you're not sure you're in all the way yet. Relax. You've got plenty of life left to figure it out, and a romance with another girl isn't the end of the world. You've come this far, so you might as well see what there is to see.
If it doesn't work out, then you can go find some guys again. Or maybe find a different girl.
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Originally Posted by moonshooter In summary, I feel overwhelmed that she wants to integrate me so much which is a sign that she might want to be serious, which I am not sure I am ready for yet. At the same time, although I don't think I want to be serious yet, I would like her to make more of an effort in terms of communication so we can get to know each other better and spend more time together. |
So, this is what you say: "I really like you, but I'm really scared and I don't know what I'm doing. I want to get to know you, but we keep running off and doing all these different things that I just can't keep up. Can we try things my way for a night? This Friday, let's get some popcorn and watch a movie at my place. Just you and me. We can have a couple beers, too, but we'll do it at home. You interested?"
Think that might work?