Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - First female/female relationship, a little overwhelmed

moonshooter · 11-26-2009, 05:52 AM

Hi Everyone,

I hope all of you are having a lovely Thanksgiving and the beginning of a good holiday season.
I was wondering if I can get anyone's advice on my relationship situation. I am a woman and I met and started dating another woman about 2 months ago. The first month was great, a lot of butterflies and infatuation. I admit I was quite carried away with the novelty of it and I think she is a great person. But lately, the last couple of weeks, I have been having very mixed feelings about us. She asked me to be her girlfriend a couple weeks ago as well, although I feel like the circumstances surrounding the question were pretty intense. I also feel that she keeps wanting to introduce me to all her friends and integrate me in almost all aspects of her life. The more she does that, the more I want to withdraw.
At the same time though, I feel like I am putting a lot of effort in the relationship in terms of being the one to call or initiate contact in some form as well as being the one to drive over to her place more instead of the other way around. I know I shouldn't be nitpicking these things in a relationship, but this is my first real relationship with a girl and in my past relationships with guys, I have never felt that I needed to put in this kind of effort.
In addition, I think I am still dealing with the same-sex relationship identity. So I am kind of confused about what I want. In summary, I feel overwhelmed that she wants to integrate me so much which is a sign that she might want to be serious, which I am not sure I am ready for yet. At the same time, although I don't think I want to be serious yet, I would like her to make more of an effort in terms of communication so we can get to know each other better and spend more time together. After all, it has only been a couple of months.
Lastly, am I overthinking this entire situation?

Thanks a lot!

11-26-2009, 05:52 AM	#1 (permalink)
moonshooter Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Davis Posts: 62	First female/female relationship, a little overwhelmed Hi Everyone, I hope all of you are having a lovely Thanksgiving and the beginning of a good holiday season. I was wondering if I can get anyone's advice on my relationship situation. I am a woman and I met and started dating another woman about 2 months ago. The first month was great, a lot of butterflies and infatuation. I admit I was quite carried away with the novelty of it and I think she is a great person. But lately, the last couple of weeks, I have been having very mixed feelings about us. She asked me to be her girlfriend a couple weeks ago as well, although I feel like the circumstances surrounding the question were pretty intense. I also feel that she keeps wanting to introduce me to all her friends and integrate me in almost all aspects of her life. The more she does that, the more I want to withdraw. At the same time though, I feel like I am putting a lot of effort in the relationship in terms of being the one to call or initiate contact in some form as well as being the one to drive over to her place more instead of the other way around. I know I shouldn't be nitpicking these things in a relationship, but this is my first real relationship with a girl and in my past relationships with guys, I have never felt that I needed to put in this kind of effort. In addition, I think I am still dealing with the same-sex relationship identity. So I am kind of confused about what I want. In summary, I feel overwhelmed that she wants to integrate me so much which is a sign that she might want to be serious, which I am not sure I am ready for yet. At the same time, although I don't think I want to be serious yet, I would like her to make more of an effort in terms of communication so we can get to know each other better and spend more time together. After all, it has only been a couple of months. Lastly, am I overthinking this entire situation? Thanks a lot!