I know what you mean. All jokes about wanting to become Darth Vader aside, I feel like I'm in a similar place. Even though it's hard to admit, I find my major goals centering around personal gain (more confidence, more exciting experiences, more money), or around protecting the people (and dog) that I love so I don't have to experience the pain of watching them suffer. But at the same time, I try to be good to everyone, and make at least a small contribution (for example, I like to tip big, even on my meager wages -- no, not at the strip club!).
Seeing that I seem to be selfishly-oriented, I wonder if I'm destined for the dark side. The thought of joining the light side and morphing into a complete altruist strikes fear in me right now, because I have the illusion that my material being is of ultimate importance and that there is only so much of life's comforts and necessities to go around. But I don't want the karmic debt from joining the dark side (more fear)... Where's Master Yoda when I need him?
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Originally Posted by peacefulmind  I was thinking about what my polarity is leaning towards and I find it is quite difficult to tell because there are some major contrasts. For instance, most of my goals have me as their center, yet I would never step on other people to accomplish them because power does not appeal to me. Also something I noticed was when it comes to people who are very close to me I am not very sensitive to their problems and feelings yet I forgive them easily. The opposite is true for people who are not as close to me. I am more sensitive to their problems and feelings yet I do not forgive them easily. Is this weird or normal? Maybe I am leaning towards one or the other and I am not realizing it or maybe I am just in denial, I don’t know. |