I think you raise an interesting point with the idea of tying discipline and depression together. I have bipolar disorder and what you say touches on a lot of things I've tried and thought about in all the years of and since my diagnosis and treatment.
First, I'll address the idea that he just needs to toughen up and do what he needs to do. I'll tell you flat out, that on the outside that seems really simple. However, it's exactly the same as telling a paralyzed person to just walk already. Their brains (for whatever reason) aren't wired to "talk) to the neurons in their legs. When you have bipolar disorder, the electrical impulses in your brain aren't firing or being received correctly, which doesn't allow for certain hormones, etc. to be properly absorbed. Think of it as a reservoir where the little gates just fly up and down and you never know quite when they'll be up or down, or how long they'll stay there, or how much water will flow through when they do... My point is that it's a very much a physiological disorder that's reflected behaviorally.
Because of that, medication is essential to make those gates go up and down when they ought to (as it were). Frequently, therapy is as well to deal with all the things we do while trying to regulate ourselves along the way. Or the consequences of either extreme, as in the Xanax addiction your friend is dealing with.
However, and this is my own personal opinion and experience, there is an important role that discipline plays in maintaining equilibrium when you have bipolar disorder. My list is a little different though. The rules that I follow, pretty much no matter what, because I've found that they are every bit as important to me being healthy as my meds are include: I sleep and/or stay in bed at least 6 and not more than 9 hours each day, with 7 being my target most days. That means I lay in bed and rest, even if I'm not asleep. I also (this is the hardest!) eat regularly, I try to eat every 4 hours or so and to balance carbs, fat and protein each time I eat. This helps my blood sugar stay stable and avoids mini-mood swings that can trigger bigger ones. I supplement carefully as well.
That's my soapbox, lol. Although I will make one final point. I can tell you that your friend makes perfect sense when he says he's waiting for the depression to just go away. We cycle. It's the way it works. Whether we wallow, revel or resist....we always know that the coin is going to flip eventually. No matter how proactive we are, part of this life is always going to be a waiting game....
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