I'm a 21 y/o guy w/ no close friends and never had a GF. And I am constantly depressed because of this. I am a Computer Science student right now entering my fourth and last year. I still live at home and work a PT job to cover my gas and basic expenses. I find myself in quite a predicament:
- All the people from high school are gone (moved far away, etc)
- The area of town I live in is mostly older people (30-40+)
- The area of town I live in has like no girls!!!!
- My school's population consists of mostly people in their 30's who are just coming back to school for a raise/career change/etc, there are like no girls around my age range either at this school (private college)
- I have one year of school left and about $30K in student loans looming shortly after graduation, and I don't really know where to begin looking for employment, I have like no contacts. Getting employed is SUCH an uphill battle if you are shy it's ridiculous.
I feel really bad because these are supposed to be the "best years" and yet i feel as if I am wasting them and failing MISERABLY =(
Here's my problem:
I don't want to be lonely, but at the same time I don't know where to start. I find that I have a lot of acquaintences around school, but they are mostly older people and we have little in common. I also have a REALLY hard time w/ small talk, for example if I am talking in a group I usually feel fine, but one-on-one conversation I just choke and fall apart. In most conversations w/ people other than my immediate family, I rely HEAVILY on the other person to "carry" the conversation.
When talking one-on-one, people quickly catch on to my nervousness and I know it makes them uncomfortable. This in turn makes me MORE nervous and I behave more nervously, which causes more ackwardness, sort of like a cycle. Some people have told me I'm too "serious", but really what do you expect after being alone for 5-6+ years? It gets to you, it really does, eats at you from the inside, sucks the emotions out of you.
The last time I had a geniune "I'm happy" smile on my face was probably when I was 11 y/o if you can believe that. Sad I know.
I am doing great in my program and have a new car (2007 Jeep), but I feel so empty at heart, life is so ..... empty without people. I've come to the realization that it's the
PEOPLE in life that matter, not the material possessions you may have at any given time.
Any ideas? I've wasted 3 years, I got 1 year of college left, I want to make the most of it.
Oh and ... thank you for reading this, I needed to get this off my chest
