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Miia · 11-17-2009, 12:08 PM

Hey,

If anyone here is suffering from depression, or has a friend/family memeber who is, or just knows something about it, then maybe you could give me your opinion on the following idea (everyone else is welcome too).

I have a close friend who was diagnosed with manic depression 6 years ago. In addition to that he is a recovering alcoholic (he quit drinking 3 years ago but until this day there are about 2-3 incidents per year when he starts drinking and ends up doing so until someone stops him(usually 3 days)). His wife and kids left him some years ago because he was in an ultra self-destructive circle, drinking and smoking pot daily (there were some other issues too, like, he was cheathing on her constantly, lol). His wife divorced him and today he`s gotten to a point where he basically doesn`t have anybody except me and 2 other friends. We are basically his family now, we take care of him and he takes care of us, in his own way.
He is a very cool, intersting, affectionate etc person and I really really respect and like him... but he is totally uncapable of taking care of himself. At the moment he depends on us, 100%.
From elementary things like shopping and cleaning his home to more complicated things like, staying alive and sober. The last drinking episode took place a week ago, he is cutting down his meds and in addition to that suffered from insomania - he didn`t sleep in 8 days and ended up drinking. He got really really carried away, he tried to kill himself. We stopped him.My whole week was ruined because of that, I almost dropped out of uni because of that.

I know a lot of you will say that you can`t help someone if they don`t want to be helped, but I think he does want to get better...and he has said on many occasions that he knows he`s a burden and wants to get better.
And some of you will say that if he`s disturbing my life so much then I have to change that, e.g. focus on my life only but if I did that (not only me, but my friends too, we`re all feeling the same way pretty much) I`m afraid he`d die. And I don`t want that to happen.
So - I NEED HIM TO GET BETTER. He needs to get better for him, but for us also. I plan to move to another country soon with my bf (who is one of the 2 other friend) and the third friend already lives in another town. He needs to be able to live by himself by that time.

Our goal for now is to make him :
1. clean his home regularly (it`s such a mess, I`d get depression if I had to live there)
2. go for a walk with us 4 days a week at least (at 10 am twice a week and at 1pm on another 2 days)(he`s usual sleepingpattern involves going to bed at 7am and waking at 6pm - he needs to move into a normal time zone in order to function in the society)(plus, the last time he left his home was 2 months ago, HE NEEDS TO GO OUT, regularly)
3. we gave him 2 rats as a bday present, since he loves animals and we thought that they`d be a source of joy.... now, he cleans their cage like twice A YEAR. it stinks, I`m really scared for the rats health, this NEEDS to change.
4. make him do qi-kong every day (he`s a spacialist at it, he has given several martial art classes in the past and admits that it helps to fight depression)

If he (and we) manages to make those things a routine then it`s time to move on, time to take him to movies, art shows, etc. Time to make him go shopping by himself and eventually join some club and start working again. We need to change his habits (sitting home 24/7 and watching movies all day) and re-introduce him with society.
I believe that having responsibilities and actually carring them out can have a positive effect on one`s mental state.

I wrote all those things on paper and added that he has to do those things NO MATER WHAT, it doesn`t matter how bad or low he is feeling. If he doesn`t do those things then he will get punished. We will take away his computer, cigarettes or something else. Violent huh? But I feel that after the last drinking episode we have every right to force him do these things. And no, he doesn`t have free will, we will not let him die.

Sorry, I got carried away. My initial question was that do you think that making him do those things, forcing him out of his comfort zone,will help him to get out of depression?
I probably should add that we are all suspecting that to a large extent his bad habbits are just HABITS and not caused by depression (by now anyways). He actually is in a good phase right now (let`s leave the drinking and insomania episode out) and we`re thiking that it`s time to shake him the **** up!

Thanks,

your sincerely, a very frustrated Miia.

11-17-2009, 12:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
Miia Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 284	Curing depression with discipline? Hey, If anyone here is suffering from depression, or has a friend/family memeber who is, or just knows something about it, then maybe you could give me your opinion on the following idea (everyone else is welcome too). I have a close friend who was diagnosed with manic depression 6 years ago. In addition to that he is a recovering alcoholic (he quit drinking 3 years ago but until this day there are about 2-3 incidents per year when he starts drinking and ends up doing so until someone stops him(usually 3 days)). His wife and kids left him some years ago because he was in an ultra self-destructive circle, drinking and smoking pot daily (there were some other issues too, like, he was cheathing on her constantly, lol). His wife divorced him and today he`s gotten to a point where he basically doesn`t have anybody except me and 2 other friends. We are basically his family now, we take care of him and he takes care of us, in his own way. He is a very cool, intersting, affectionate etc person and I really really respect and like him... but he is totally uncapable of taking care of himself. At the moment he depends on us, 100%. From elementary things like shopping and cleaning his home to more complicated things like, staying alive and sober. The last drinking episode took place a week ago, he is cutting down his meds and in addition to that suffered from insomania - he didn`t sleep in 8 days and ended up drinking. He got really really carried away, he tried to kill himself. We stopped him.My whole week was ruined because of that, I almost dropped out of uni because of that. I know a lot of you will say that you can`t help someone if they don`t want to be helped, but I think he does want to get better...and he has said on many occasions that he knows he`s a burden and wants to get better. And some of you will say that if he`s disturbing my life so much then I have to change that, e.g. focus on my life only but if I did that (not only me, but my friends too, we`re all feeling the same way pretty much) I`m afraid he`d die. And I don`t want that to happen. So - I NEED HIM TO GET BETTER. He needs to get better for him, but for us also. I plan to move to another country soon with my bf (who is one of the 2 other friend) and the third friend already lives in another town. He needs to be able to live by himself by that time. Our goal for now is to make him : 1. clean his home regularly (it`s such a mess, I`d get depression if I had to live there) 2. go for a walk with us 4 days a week at least (at 10 am twice a week and at 1pm on another 2 days)(he`s usual sleepingpattern involves going to bed at 7am and waking at 6pm - he needs to move into a normal time zone in order to function in the society)(plus, the last time he left his home was 2 months ago, HE NEEDS TO GO OUT, regularly) 3. we gave him 2 rats as a bday present, since he loves animals and we thought that they`d be a source of joy.... now, he cleans their cage like twice A YEAR. it stinks, I`m really scared for the rats health, this NEEDS to change. 4. make him do qi-kong every day (he`s a spacialist at it, he has given several martial art classes in the past and admits that it helps to fight depression) If he (and we) manages to make those things a routine then it`s time to move on, time to take him to movies, art shows, etc. Time to make him go shopping by himself and eventually join some club and start working again. We need to change his habits (sitting home 24/7 and watching movies all day) and re-introduce him with society. I believe that having responsibilities and actually carring them out can have a positive effect on one`s mental state. I wrote all those things on paper and added that he has to do those things NO MATER WHAT, it doesn`t matter how bad or low he is feeling. If he doesn`t do those things then he will get punished. We will take away his computer, cigarettes or something else. Violent huh? But I feel that after the last drinking episode we have every right to force him do these things. And no, he doesn`t have free will, we will not let him die. Sorry, I got carried away. My initial question was that do you think that making him do those things, forcing him out of his comfort zone,will help him to get out of depression? I probably should add that we are all suspecting that to a large extent his bad habbits are just HABITS and not caused by depression (by now anyways). He actually is in a good phase right now (let`s leave the drinking and insomania episode out) and we`re thiking that it`s time to shake him the **** up! Thanks, your sincerely, a very frustrated Miia.