We are creatures of habit. When we get into the habit of having something in our lives, the absence of that particular habit (of a person or thing in our lives) is very noticable to us. He's been in your life for such a long time and you've developed a strong attachment to him that because he is not in your life, you feel that you must have him to be "normal" or your self again. You want to find a way to make up, not only to have a relationship with him but to find a way back to yourself when things were easier and life made a little bit more sense to you.
One part of you knows that he is not good for you, but the other part is so dependent on him that you cannot let go. You recognize that he lies, leads an unhealthy lifestyle, and is an overall detrimental to your emotional health. Try to understand what these words mean. When we are in love with someone or when we care for someone deeply, we tend to focus on their positive aspects and not their negative ones, even if they are staring at us right in the face. The fact is that his negative attributes are slowly leading him to destruction in some sense (as you said, he is depressed, drinks, etc.) - any affiliation with him now would therefore be destructive to you because you have not learned to detach yourself from him.
Remember that you had a life without him. Yes, you did have a relationship with him for almost 5 years, but what about the rest? You are your own person. God put you here for a reason, not so that you could forget who you are and be depressed.
The advice that our trusted friends tell us must be listened to because they are seeing the situation with objectivity. Force yourself to listen to them. They know you. There might be a desperate voice within (that "strong part" of you) saying that you need him but this voice of desperation is not who you really are. It is a response of this distressing situation. You simply miss him because you miss a part of yourself since he is integrated in you.
If he wanted to call, wouldn't he have called? If he was sorry about the situation, wouldn't he have said so? You may say that he is going through a lot of stuff right now, trying to figure himself out, but it is clear that you probably aren't on his list of important things right now.
To resist the urge to find a way to make up, stop thinking about this situation and leave it in the hands of God. There's nothing you can do now, is there? Stewing over woulda, coulda, shoulda's or "what if's" is not going to lead to any solution. Remain strong and occupy your mind with something like a project or hobby.
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