[JJP]

I'm 21 and a junior in college. My challenge is that it's the middle of the semester, and I've had no passion or desire to do anything in a couple of my required classes. I used to think I could make it, but they don't fire me up anymore. I don't even feel like salvaging what's left of them and trying to scrape by.

My heart is telling me to follow my passions. My heart is telling me to practice and play tennis, soccer, bodybuilding, and pool. All day long, that's all I think about. Yeah, you read that right. I have very little idea why. I never did any sports as a kid, and this feels like a new world opening up and calling me.

I'm not depressed -- except for this issue of purpose and passion I feel really good and am probably thinking clearer than I have all my life. The crisis is that I'm afraid that with my already low GPA, failing these two classes will get me kicked out of school.

Which would give me time to follow my passions.

BUT on the other hand, I really don't want to dissapoint myself by being a college dropout, or my parents, who have invested so much in me. It would break their hearts. I think I would be disowned, and would be totally alone. They've given me so much and sacrificed so much, and I'm thinking about following my heart to play some GAMES?? What if my passion doesn't last, and I just end up "following my heart" to something else, and end up a drifting loser, a failed adult. I can't imagine dealing with those consequences, but I also don't think I can deal anymore with this feeling of being imprisoned like I feel right now. I wish I had the courage to follow my passion right now, but I also wish I had the passion to follow my obligations and just do work right now and graduate.

I was always the smart, quiet, unathletic kid... thick glasses, good grades, nice college... corporate job -- that was supposed to be the whole package. And as I contemplate what's happening now, I literally feel like I'm letting the whole world down and watching it smash to pieces in slow motion.

Do you have any advice? Maybe someone can cut some holes in my cage. Are there any more sensible or balanced options to choose from that you can see? Because neither one that I'm contemplating feels completely right at all. I feel helpless, but I also feel optimistic, because SOME major breakthrough is about to happen... I just have to find something... or decide something... (see? confused struggle) Who do I talk to, what do I read, what what what?!


Edit: Well, I've already got a positive update, lol. First off, I was glad after I wrote all that above, glad to get it off my chest. Right after I wrote it, I started asking more and more questions. I then remembered the law of attraction and decided to focus on what I want, and also I read Steve's article on making decisions based on what I want to experience. So I wrote down exactly what it was that I desire. Soon after I got like this... inspiration... I started asking more questions, and then almost automatically I found myself on my school website, looking at some sections I'd never seen before and finding out some interesting info almost by coincidence. I think I'm on track to a better option, I had a new idea... and I feel really good about it. Nice.