Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Job hunting: the most demeaning activity ever?

kniyogi · 11-14-2009, 11:06 PM

Rabbit,

Looking at your situation from the outside, it seems as if you are pathologically obsessing about finding a job, because you have run out of money--thereby setting yourself into a downward spiral. The more you pathologize about this and the more obsessed you are, the more desperate you will feel and the less positive the outcomes. My advice would be to stop pathologizing the situation and to be more compassionate with yourself. Look at the things which are in your control and say to yourself "These are the things in my power/control and I will do the best I can and not beat myself up if someone refuses to give me a job". A few things you can try out :

- Be very compassionate with yourself. This is the time when you need *yourself* to be kind and gentle and discard the harsh critic. A common behavioral cognitive technique is to catch yourself whenever the critic comes up and ask yourself whether, what the critic is saying is reasonable. Then frame the thought in your head in more "reasonable" language such as "I have done the things in my control to the best of my ability".

- Ask yourself what the very worst thing that can happen if you do not get a job within a few months-- will you still have the basic things such as food, shelter and clothing ? If worst comes to worst and you don't have a job in a year--whats the worst that can happen? You are a fresh graduate-- you still have 50-60 years of life ahead of you-- surely you will be able to achieve some of your goals when you have that much time left in your life. Losing patience is losing half the battle.

- Consciously do things every day to take your mind off the job hunting-- so that you do not pathologize over it. If you do not have enough friends you can join a group on meetup.com and get together with people who share some common interest. Spending time with people can be very therapeutic in these situations. You can play tennis/soccer-- anything which will give you some good company and take your mind off the job hunt. This might make you feel that not having a job is not the worst thing in life. You might start to shed off some of that desperation.

- Another idea might be to start your own blog in some of your interest areas, such as breweries. This will take your mind off the job hunt too. Treat the blog as a research journal. Collect research material in the area and make it a point to update the blog at least twice a week. Gradually you will see your confidence starting to rise, and all those rejections may not feel as painful as before. You may even start referencing the blog or website while talking to potential employers down the line. Of course you need to give it some time before you can do some research yourself and put something of value in the blog.

Thats all I can think of for now--hope it meets your criteria of not being fluff-- all the best.

11-14-2009, 11:06 PM	#117 (permalink)
kniyogi Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 27	Rabbit, Looking at your situation from the outside, it seems as if you are pathologically obsessing about finding a job, because you have run out of money--thereby setting yourself into a downward spiral. The more you pathologize about this and the more obsessed you are, the more desperate you will feel and the less positive the outcomes. My advice would be to stop pathologizing the situation and to be more compassionate with yourself. Look at the things which are in your control and say to yourself "These are the things in my power/control and I will do the best I can and not beat myself up if someone refuses to give me a job". A few things you can try out : - Be very compassionate with yourself. This is the time when you need yourself to be kind and gentle and discard the harsh critic. A common behavioral cognitive technique is to catch yourself whenever the critic comes up and ask yourself whether, what the critic is saying is reasonable. Then frame the thought in your head in more "reasonable" language such as "I have done the things in my control to the best of my ability". - Ask yourself what the very worst thing that can happen if you do not get a job within a few months-- will you still have the basic things such as food, shelter and clothing ? If worst comes to worst and you don't have a job in a year--whats the worst that can happen? You are a fresh graduate-- you still have 50-60 years of life ahead of you-- surely you will be able to achieve some of your goals when you have that much time left in your life. Losing patience is losing half the battle. - Consciously do things every day to take your mind off the job hunting-- so that you do not pathologize over it. If you do not have enough friends you can join a group on meetup.com and get together with people who share some common interest. Spending time with people can be very therapeutic in these situations. You can play tennis/soccer-- anything which will give you some good company and take your mind off the job hunt. This might make you feel that not having a job is not the worst thing in life. You might start to shed off some of that desperation. - Another idea might be to start your own blog in some of your interest areas, such as breweries. This will take your mind off the job hunt too. Treat the blog as a research journal. Collect research material in the area and make it a point to update the blog at least twice a week. Gradually you will see your confidence starting to rise, and all those rejections may not feel as painful as before. You may even start referencing the blog or website while talking to potential employers down the line. Of course you need to give it some time before you can do some research yourself and put something of value in the blog. Thats all I can think of for now--hope it meets your criteria of not being fluff-- all the best.