Quote:
Originally Posted by Wulfen 
Think about it a little bit: try to imagine some times when you've been very empathic to her, and other times when you've been more closed. Not in an assholish way, but more that you were minding your own business instead of paying attention to her. Now try to recall if her frustrations were higher or lower in each case.
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I think you are onto something important, Wulfen, but I'm not sure you're seeing the big picture.
If a man is "too nice," i.e. being almost maternal or solicitous, that can be a turn-off, but I think the real turn-off is that you can intuitively tell when a man chooses this way to relate to a woman because he's got no other recourse. His "caring" may not come from genuine caring, but from not really knowing any other way to get close. And if this side is revealed too soon in the r'ship, it's gonna suck for everyone involved, b/c the woman is not going to feel that sense of "other," that polarity, and she'll be dissatisfied, and the guy is going to be rejected.
But there is a way for men to be genuinely caring, empathic listeners, maybe less maternal and more paternal, that is actually a turn-on, because it's coming from a strong and centered place, not a needy one. I would also hope that this would come a little later in the r'ship, after a sexual bond has already been formed.
And you're right--no one should "play therapist" for anyone, it's not what a partnership is about.
Does that resonate with you? I appreciate your posts.
V.