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Originally Posted by James81  I was a member of a message board a few years ago that supported attachment parenting. And the interesting thing I discovered about most of the women who actually DID use attachment parenting was that they all pretty much complained that their kids were hellians.
The discipline methods of attachment parenting are severely lacking IMO. |
Many parents know in their hearts they do not want to punish, coerce or manipulate their kids, so they step back from that. The problem comes in when they don't know what to substitute for it! Then the kids are left feeling alone, and the parents are sure "this doesn't work" because the kids aren't "behaving". So the parents, despite their gut feelings, start in half-heartedly with punishments and consequences, the kids aren't listened to, and it can become a big mess!
To be successful, it requires a whole paradigm shift, a rethinking of the parent-child relationship, and consequent dropping of outmoded ways of being and thinking. When you stop requiring that your kids do what YOU think they should be doing, and you start to partner with them rather than control them, the way becomes more clear. It's not leaving the kids on their own, and it's not controlling or coercing them - it's living in close, connected relationship with WHO THEY ARE.
That is attachment parenting.
It's such a different way of living that goes against most parenting advice, parents have to really be willing to work at it, work on themselves and look at old beliefs, and be willing to ignore naysayers (which will more than likely be most of their family). They'll need to keep looking at their kids, and their relationship with their kids, rather than outside advice, to take stock of how things are going.
Personally, I'm very grateful for other radical unschoolers who were willing to share their lives, experience, and thoughts on unschooling email lists, I think I would have been rather lost without that guidance.