Madgeylou, *very* good point. Agreed completely!
I could explain in several pages the kind of distinction between helping someone solve a problem, and "playing emotional therapist". But it would take too long, so I hope a couple of examples, like you did, will clarify:
Case1:
Girl: "you never listen to me! I wish you were more empathic! I wish you would open yourself to me!"
Boy: thinks he's unfit for her, goes and learn to be empathic and to open up emotionally.
... next time:
Girl: "I would like you to open up emotionally to me"
Boy: "I love you as I've never loved anyone and would do anything for you"
Girl: "I love you too" (thinking: "good puppy! here's your cookie!")
The outcome of this event is that the girl loses attraction because the boy acted on her whims. A man needs not to open up emotionally too much, and not to become more empathic, but specifically not to change because the girl says so (the girl, or anyone else for that matter).
Case2:
Girl: "I have a problem at work because my boss yells at me"
Boy: has no clue how to help her.
Boy reads on empathy, and next time is:
Girl: "I have a problem at work because my boss yells at me"
Boy: "what do you feel when he yells at you?"
Girl: "I feel that he disrespects me!"
Boy: "and why do you think he disrespects you?"
Girl: "Dunno... but I noticed he disrespects me more, the times I do my job the best"
Boy: "maybe he feels threatened by you..."
... etc... and this way he can understand her and help her with her problem
So, if you're in Case 2, then yes, it's great to be more empathic. But if you're in Case 1, is quite counterproductive. I don't know what is Jehosephat's case, and that's why I'm just guessing here.
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