Colleen,
My prayers are with you and your daughter.
I'm sorry that you can't feel his presence anymore. Grief is a huge emotion and it must be honored. But because it is so powerful, it often blocks out many other things. Once you have allowed your grief to run its course, you may once again be able to feel that connection with your Husband, eventhough his physical presence is lacking.
I'm also very sorry that those things you had hoped for for both your daughter and yourself will not happen the way you had envisioned them and that the life you had planned is going off in a different direction.
Only know that the things that happen to us, no matter how horrible they may feel at the time, happen so that we may grow and learn from them. The lessons we learn create who we are and who we will become. This holds true for everyone; children and adults alike.
Go ahead and grieve. Allow that emotion to be what it is and allow it to serve you for as long as you need to. But once it no longer serves you, allow it to be replaced.
You have a choice then in the lessons you will take away from this. You can choose to learn fear and anger and loss, or you can choose to learn hope and faith. You can allow the memories of the time you shared with your husband to hurt you by allowing your Heart to be filled with loss, or you can choose to allow those memories to fill your Heart with joy at the lessons you learned together - at the knowledge of how his sharing his Path with you (and also leaving you) has made you who you are and will make your daughter who she will become.
I do not mean to sound trite and I in no way wish to minimize your pain or the experience you've had.
Truly, I pray that you will get from this exactly what you need to be the person you were meant to be and that you take only the best from this experience and help your daughter to do the same.
Many blessings,
Mato
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