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Originally Posted by Penelopi  im really far from present seriously. |
I want you to mull that statement over for a bit. If you aren't present, then when are you? You're trying to find a place you can't leave. The present isn't something you can achieve using meditations, it's a thing which makes all the other things you do possible. You've already achieved the present; otherwise, you very simply are not. And my suspicion is that you are
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So how do you find the present? You don't. It finds you. You can do meditations and techniques, and some of those are really great in their own rights, but they won't give you the present. It found you already. The real question is how are you going to get away from the present so you can find it? That's what you're trying right now. You're trying to find an objective perspective away from the present so you can inspect it like a bug through a magnifying glass. But the more you pull away, the more you find that YOU are the bug and you can't get away from yourself to get a good look at yourself. You aren't in the present so much as you are the present; the present and you are the same thing, the thing that you can't see or examine, the thing that you are.
As for practical advice, I may have some. You're afraid of being a huge flirt, right? So then it would make sense for you to become a huge flirt, or at least open yourself up to the possibility. That way you find out who you really are and what your intentions really are. If, in the course of becoming a huge flirt you find that you're not flirting, then you've been afraid of a big fat nothing all along. And if you do happen to become a huge flirt, then you know what your intentions are and you know what you want to do much better than before. I suspect that you're afraid to lead these guys on. My suggestion would be to lead them on unabashedly. You might think that it's bad or wrong to do so. Perhaps it is, but perhaps it's your judgment of what's bad or wrong that is flawed and needs to be done away with. Most of the things we think of as evils are really just misguided neurosis. You find out what's really right and wrong by finding out who you are; who you are can't be wrong, so if you release yourself from stupid social restraints you'll find out what good really is. And you may not be able to do that without some shameless flirting
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