Quote:
Originally Posted by Wulfen  Jehosephat,
You are not going to like my answer, but anyhow:
You don't need to play therapist to your girlfriend. If you become her emotional tampon you will decrease her attraction for you. Sometimes is ok to let her vent her frustrations, but if you open up emotionally to her too much, you will cause a loss of attraction.
Think about it a little bit: try to imagine some times when you've been very empathic to her, and other times when you've been more closed. Not in an assholish way, but more that you were minding your own business instead of paying attention to her. Now try to recall if her frustrations were higher or lower in each case.
Ponder a little bit on this. And if you don't like this line of reasoning, I will politely stay out of your thread. |
wulfen, i think your point of view is very valid, at least in certain circumstances. but i think there are other circumstances where it pays to listen.
there are a few different kinds of "upsets" in this world. one is the "WHERE ARE MY FREAKIN KEYS?!?!" variety, and one is the "i'm frustrated/confused about something in my life and need some help" variety.
i have found in my relationships, staying out of the "keys" dramas is critical. if my boyfriend cant find his keys, and i get involved in it, helping him look, suggesting where they might be, etc., it whips the whole thing up into an unnecessarily frothy frenzy. better to just let him find his keys on his own and not add my energy to the building drama.
in the other kind of upset, what i really need is for someone to listen and understand my situation so he or she can help me pull apart the threads of what i'm experiencing and look at them in a new way. this is where clarifying questions and listening come into play.
i look at the first scenario as simply not turning up the heat on a pot which is starting to boil over. in the second scenario, though, the pot is already boiling, and i need someone to help me turn *down* the heat.
i think there is a lot of value in learning to tell the difference between the 2 situations. providing the most effective response depends upon it.