Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Confused about a girl's flirting (Please Read)

James81 · 11-09-2009, 02:07 PM

Look at it like this...

You've attracted a girl like this into your reality, and you find yourself attracted to a girl like this. What does this tell you about yourself?

I've been down this road, so I can offer you some of the stuff I discovered about myself when I was attracting these types of women into my reality. Here's some things I discovered about myself:

I was insecure.
I was needy and clingy.
I lacked self confidence.
I had low self esteem.
I overcompensated my insecurities by trying to please people.
I had no boundaries in my relationships and let people walk all over me.

When you look at that list, do you see why that type of person would attract this type of girl? To me, it's so abundantly clear why this type of guy would attract these types of broken girls into their lives because they are a perfect "fit" for each other.

For example, insecurity in yourself will attract women who are insecure with themselves. This insecurity is usually due to negative experiences they've had in their past.

Needy and clinginess will attract the types of girls who want attention. Because you are needy, you will shower whoever comes into your life with more attention than the average guy, and as such girls like this will revel in that attention.

A lack of self confidence and self esteem will attract a girl will will dominate the relationship. She'll lead you around by the nose because she knows she can and can get away with it.

Overcompensation will attract girls who ultimately feel bad about themselves, but are validated by the overcompensation you give them. (i.e. overly nice)

No boundaries will attract women who will constantly push you to face your boundaries. Girls are always testing your boundaries, and the fact that you have none (or very little) shows her that she can toy with you however she wants and get away with it cause you won't say anything other than stuff she wants to hear.

***

The issue is, though, that all these qualities are qualities that women find grossly unattractive. So, the dynamic will always be such that you are constantly pursuing her approval while she gives you just enough attention to keep you confused/hooked to her so that you will validate her with your attention.

The realistic advice here is for you to put her out of your life. But most guys never take or follow that advice until it's far too late and they are too hurt (and thus become bitter).

So the advice I give to you is to face these qualities in yourself and start improving them.

11-09-2009, 02:07 PM	#23 (permalink)
James81 Banned Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,690	Look at it like this... You've attracted a girl like this into your reality, and you find yourself attracted to a girl like this. What does this tell you about yourself? I've been down this road, so I can offer you some of the stuff I discovered about myself when I was attracting these types of women into my reality. Here's some things I discovered about myself: I was insecure. I was needy and clingy. I lacked self confidence. I had low self esteem. I overcompensated my insecurities by trying to please people. I had no boundaries in my relationships and let people walk all over me. When you look at that list, do you see why that type of person would attract this type of girl? To me, it's so abundantly clear why this type of guy would attract these types of broken girls into their lives because they are a perfect "fit" for each other. For example, insecurity in yourself will attract women who are insecure with themselves. This insecurity is usually due to negative experiences they've had in their past. Needy and clinginess will attract the types of girls who want attention. Because you are needy, you will shower whoever comes into your life with more attention than the average guy, and as such girls like this will revel in that attention. A lack of self confidence and self esteem will attract a girl will will dominate the relationship. She'll lead you around by the nose because she knows she can and can get away with it. Overcompensation will attract girls who ultimately feel bad about themselves, but are validated by the overcompensation you give them. (i.e. overly nice) No boundaries will attract women who will constantly push you to face your boundaries. Girls are always testing your boundaries, and the fact that you have none (or very little) shows her that she can toy with you however she wants and get away with it cause you won't say anything other than stuff she wants to hear. *** The issue is, though, that all these qualities are qualities that women find grossly unattractive. So, the dynamic will always be such that you are constantly pursuing her approval while she gives you just enough attention to keep you confused/hooked to her so that you will validate her with your attention. The realistic advice here is for you to put her out of your life. But most guys never take or follow that advice until it's far too late and they are too hurt (and thus become bitter). So the advice I give to you is to face these qualities in yourself and start improving them.