Heh... you know... this is actually kind of funny....
Quote:
Originally Posted by improver  I'm not sure.. this may sound VERY messed up. |
Well... I'm currently 22 years old, I am on my third and final year of college, I have made no real friends while here (none that I'd go out with), and I don't know what I want to be!
Improver.... I've read several of your threads now and I can definitely relate to what you're going though (including that mirror thing...).
To put it simply, you've dug yourself a pit.
I know I've felt that... every year I've spent in college, doing work that didn't truly inspire me, I've just been digging myself a hole.
And let's face it, your dreams and ambitions are like objects on the horizon.... and you can't can't see the horizon when your standing 20 feet below ground level.
All you 'can' see is the dark, storm-wracked clouds above your head (hey! fancy that!
)
So... what we both need to do... is start climbing. Take little steps in the right direction (joining this forum is a good one!) and eventually we'll reach a point where our thoughts are no longer mired in doubt, and we can see what we really want.
Indeed, you may actually know what you want deep in your heart, but where you stand now it's hard to be honest with yourself.
Now... one big step that both of us could take is to drop out of college (or at least take 'time off') At least then we wouldn't be digging any deeper.
I am almost through my course now and I have to admit, at this time, I lack the courage necessary to quit. I'm probably going to see it through to the end. And while I most likely will not pursue a career in my field of study, I will have picked up some useful skills that can serve me elsewhere.
The biggest obstacle for you, I imagine, is your family. I've had the good fortune to have parents who never forced me into anything (well okay... maybe piano lessons...). The point is, it is going to be very hard for you to quit your study while the threat of their wrath is looming over you. Further, I doubt you'd feel comfortable "going traveling" or any other such activity without running it by them, right?
And what if you finish school? What if you get into the medical field? Do you think it'll be easier then to say, "I don't want to do this"? At some point, you are going to have to dissociate your desires from theirs. You'll have to take full, utter, total, complete responsibility for your life.
But for now, just keep taking little steps.
Form new habits! Seek new experiences! Get out of your room more often! (that's my worst problem right now... been sitting here all day!)
In the end, just try to find those things that inspire you.
Admit to yourself what you're best possible existence would look like. No matter how strange or fantastic. We'll help you get there!
"You don't have a disorder, but you're not normal either... you're awesome dangit!"
That's what I tell myself!
