Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Why do people feel they need to "Contextualise" Sexual Relationships?

cylon · 11-06-2009, 05:55 PM

Someone telling you a very specific label is kind of like a self-defensive buffer against getting hurt. I guess they figure if they define the terms beforehand, they won't slip up and take it more seriously (which could mean they get hurt) and if you take it too seriously and end up getting hurt yourself, the blame can be on you, and not them. "Before we get started, if this goes wrong, it's your fault." is the message behind the contextualizing.

People come up with labels so that they can easily convert complex, complicated, not-easily definable emotions into what they perceive to be easy to digest, fun-size chunks. We feel intense emotions that can totally dominate our thoughts (not always in a good way), yet we like to think we have sort of overcome them by giving them innocuous labels.

And, guys do this too obviously. They might talk in terms of just sex but there is always the strong chance they've met someone they really care for and are trying to talk themselves out of going over that cliff.

11-06-2009, 05:55 PM	#3 (permalink)
cylon Family Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 6,852	Someone telling you a very specific label is kind of like a self-defensive buffer against getting hurt. I guess they figure if they define the terms beforehand, they won't slip up and take it more seriously (which could mean they get hurt) and if you take it too seriously and end up getting hurt yourself, the blame can be on you, and not them. "Before we get started, if this goes wrong, it's your fault." is the message behind the contextualizing. People come up with labels so that they can easily convert complex, complicated, not-easily definable emotions into what they perceive to be easy to digest, fun-size chunks. We feel intense emotions that can totally dominate our thoughts (not always in a good way), yet we like to think we have sort of overcome them by giving them innocuous labels. And, guys do this too obviously. They might talk in terms of just sex but there is always the strong chance they've met someone they really care for and are trying to talk themselves out of going over that cliff. Last edited by cylon; 11-06-2009 at 06:01 PM.