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Originally Posted by Bamboo Moon  When we met, I was sort of at a crossroads of my life. I had entered grad school (though it was no longer a good fit) and I was struggling with my religious beliefs (I had been brought up as a conservative Christian) He helped me let go and move forward with better choices. He introduced me to Eastern philosophy and we talked a lot. And I knew he would be a really good dad, though we didn't have kids until later. |
How much time does he spend with the kid(s) you have now? What's he like with him? Or her? Does he still seem like a good dad, in light of everything else you've told us about him?
When was the last time you talked about philosophy or religion?
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Originally Posted by Bamboo Moon Generally, he gives me a lot of freedom, which is probably what I love most about him. He is very artistically talented, he has written music and been on indie labels (10 or so CDs), he can write, draw, paint, and sculpt. He also lets me handle the joint account money, which I prefer. He is not a bad man, not at all. There is a lot of good in our relationship, which is why sometimes I struggle with where we're going. |
This was all written in the past tense. Is he doing his art now? Is he doing it for a living? Does he enjoy what he does for a living? What does he do in his spare time? What do you think of it?
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Originally Posted by Bamboo Moon I want to be a better person--I have been focusing on eating right, exercising, and doing yoga. I also watch less tv and find that I'm not so into horror movies. These things do not interest him. It's probably not fair--I'm the one who's changing. |
You are, and if he isn't, then you do have a problem. A marriage is two people holding hands, and if one walks while the other doesn't, it becomes strained. But if both walk in opposite directions, it is strained even more.
You've said you're unwilling to change yourself for him: why? There are good reasons and there are bad reasons, and it would be worth figuring out which yours are.
A lot of people responding have suggested leaving him in one way or another. Would you fight for custody of your children, if you did? Would he?