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fresc · 11-06-2009, 03:55 PM

CroMagna,

Dealing with family pressure is something I've been working on lately so I wanted to share a few things that were really helpful to me in case any of it may be helpful to you.

A really big realization was accepting that my family may be disappointed with me when I live the truth of who I am and that living with other people's disappointment is a part of being an adult and staying true to who I am. I may not be the person they want me to be, but that's o.k. They aren't always the people I want them to be, but I love them anyway.

On a suggestion from my therapist, I started visualizing what my life would be like if my life was "about me" (not "about them," reacting to their words and actions). I started to see what my behavior would look like if I detached from their emotions. I let them be upset about whatever they were upset about and I focused on trusting myself and doing what I knew was right for me. I pictured myself just allowing them to be who they are and then doing what I wanted. At first it felt like betraying and abandoning them, then it started to feel like accepting them and being honest about who I am. And that felt good! This visualization was extremely helpful for me and helped me find the courage to start acting with integrity.

One other thing I want to mention is that I live 800 miles away from my parents and was still feeling the pressure. Because the pressure was coming from me. I was believing what they told me over what I knew to be true for me - or at the very least I was conflicted about what was true. Now I mention this not to say that the physical distance wasn't helpful. I happen to think it was. I mention it to suggest that you can get space, right here right now, because the space is within you. It was very empowering for me to realize that I was waiting for them to acknowledge me as independent, as an adult, to grant me the power to make my own decisions and my own mistakes. But no one can give you power. Power is power when you take it and know it is your own.

And for me personally it became important to know that I could make a mistake and that it didn't mean I didn't deserve power. We learn by making mistakes. For me it's a hallmark of claiming my power to make my own mistakes and take responsibility for the consequences. It's helped me find the courage to start posting on the forum. (This is my first non-introduction post. yipes! I'm nervous!

)

11-06-2009, 03:55 PM	#9 (permalink)
fresc Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 9	CroMagna, Dealing with family pressure is something I've been working on lately so I wanted to share a few things that were really helpful to me in case any of it may be helpful to you. A really big realization was accepting that my family may be disappointed with me when I live the truth of who I am and that living with other people's disappointment is a part of being an adult and staying true to who I am. I may not be the person they want me to be, but that's o.k. They aren't always the people I want them to be, but I love them anyway. On a suggestion from my therapist, I started visualizing what my life would be like if my life was "about me" (not "about them," reacting to their words and actions). I started to see what my behavior would look like if I detached from their emotions. I let them be upset about whatever they were upset about and I focused on trusting myself and doing what I knew was right for me. I pictured myself just allowing them to be who they are and then doing what I wanted. At first it felt like betraying and abandoning them, then it started to feel like accepting them and being honest about who I am. And that felt good! This visualization was extremely helpful for me and helped me find the courage to start acting with integrity. One other thing I want to mention is that I live 800 miles away from my parents and was still feeling the pressure. Because the pressure was coming from me. I was believing what they told me over what I knew to be true for me - or at the very least I was conflicted about what was true. Now I mention this not to say that the physical distance wasn't helpful. I happen to think it was. I mention it to suggest that you can get space, right here right now, because the space is within you. It was very empowering for me to realize that I was waiting for them to acknowledge me as independent, as an adult, to grant me the power to make my own decisions and my own mistakes. But no one can give you power. Power is power when you take it and know it is your own. And for me personally it became important to know that I could make a mistake and that it didn't mean I didn't deserve power. We learn by making mistakes. For me it's a hallmark of claiming my power to make my own mistakes and take responsibility for the consequences. It's helped me find the courage to start posting on the forum. (This is my first non-introduction post. yipes! I'm nervous! )