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Originally Posted by Bamboo Moon  Thanks for all the perspectives, I appreciate it. You've given me a lot to think about. In fact, I wrote the post and then was afraid to even read the replies, which is why I'm only getting back to it now.
I think part of the problem is that when our first child was born, we both had post-partum depression. I ended up going to a therapist and went on meds for a little while. He refused, saying I could cure his depression by caring about him more. He stopped washing and brushing his teeth (while still complaining about no sex), started a huge fight because I wouldn't agree to buy a custom made $5,000 sex doll, and then started threatened to have an affair, telling me I would deserve it if he did (because we weren't having enough sex). And then he started threatening to leave us. Twice he packed his bags, but did not leave. The third time, he packed his bags and waited for my reaction and at that point I was impassive. He accused me of being cold-hearted and then left, telling me I could have stopped this if I had called his bluff. Later, he wrote an emotional letter saying he never chose to leave, but I forced him to.
I say this not to badmouth him, because he hasn't ever been that bad again. But I feel like he went a little mad, and when he did finally leave, he broke a piece of my heart. He did end up on meds and going to a therapist. I thought I had forgiven him, but I was afraid to have another child with him, and didn't for a long time. And especially sexually, though I do enjoy it, I find it hard to connect with him intimately. Which means, yep, this probably needs a counselor. |
This guy is very manipulative and emotionally out of whack. I know what it's like to be stuck on a person for their good points but end up suffering more than enjoying the experience... you should really look for something better, I think. Perhaps a self-esteem issue is holding you down with him. Or maybe you're at the same level, but from the sound of your writing, I don't get that vibe.
People get into relationships to learn something, find out what that is for you and learn it if you can. If you complete the lesson he should fade out of your life pretty naturally (fade out, or explode out, one or the other, but it shouldn't feel hard to let go, anyway).
There are other fish in the sea
Andrew