Quote:
Originally Posted by Parthon  Men, even conscious ones, really are concerned with the gap between what a woman says she wants and what she responds to and the attraction to just status. (...)
I don't care if the concern is accurate or not, but it's a real concern, as a concern. How would a man go about getting rid of this concern, given that dismissing it's not an option and the concern seems to be continually proved right? |
Hmmm.... you get to see what you believe in. So if you firmly believe it, of course you'll get it continually proven right. One solution would be to change your focus and let go of the belief.
I don't know what else to tell you, since as far as I see about myself and the girls around me, this is NOT proven right. So this is a bit alien to me.
Are you sure it's "just status" they're attracted to? Or is it the qualities behind the status?
Something else comes to mind: when we are asked what we want in men, what we say generally is only the sine qua non conditions, I mean, the conditions that if they weren't there, nothing would be possible. For example, some girls will say "nice guy, treats me well, handsome, good father and enough money to support a family". I would say "has a message and expresses it, has values and lives by them, takes 100% responsibility, etc.".
Maybe we only talk about the things that we pay special attention to. Does it mean that these are the only criteria? No! It's just that those other, unspoken things, that happen more on the energetic/subconscious level, well... that's so difficult to explain!
Did I enter a relationship with my boyfriend because he has a message, values, takes responsibility, etc? No! It takes a lot more to be attracted to a man. But how to explain it? I cannot say to you "It is this particular energy that he has and that I find so incredibly charming and cute, the way he touches me, the frequency of his emails and the greetings he uses, and what I feel when I look at him, you know...".
Well, I can say that, but it won't be very informative to you.
When guys (mistakenly!) believe that what they are told are
the only criteria, then I get that they could get confused. Like, hey, I have all that, why don't you want me?! But the thing is, it's not the only criteria, it's usually just the potential red flags. If you have all of the required characteristics, it just means you passed selection level I. But there's still selection level II.
Maybe that's on this level II that high-status men are more attractive. I believe it's because of their qualities behind the status, not the status itself. It's difficult to analyze though, because it happens at the level of lots of subtle details.
I mean, let's be honest. It's the same with men! When men say that they want a "kind, sweet, attractive and smart girl that they can laugh with", does it mean they'd take ANY kind, sweet, attractive and smart girl that they can laugh with? No! Different kind, sweet, attractive and smart girls that they can laugh with will make them feel differently. They will want some of them. And for some others, they will NOT feel attracted to them, even if on paper the girl is exactly what they're looking for. What makes the difference, will they talk about that? No. Maybe it's too subtle to be described. Or maybe they don't even know it themselves. Aahhh, men don't know what they really respond to!
