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Originally Posted by cylon  That is very true. I'm not sure that's necessarily a good thing though. |
Oh, definitely not. I was explaining why certain people attract, and why certain relationships last (and I don't mean they're the same thing, btw).
I'm not comfortable making a recommendation about relationships for people with self-perceived serious flaws. The most I would suggest is that they shouldn't look for one. What
should a person who believes they're damaged goods do? My opinion would be for them to fix themselves first. That would be the whole, "Love yourself first," bit.
To go back a bit further in the conversation, I would also say that people don't come up with a list of qualities they want in someone else; they come up with a list they want in themselves, and then they go hunting for the perfect version of themselves.
I imagine you would disagree with that on the grounds of the gender gap, but I would instead suggest describing a quality in gender neutral terms and seeing if my statement still works. To go back to Victorian times, a gentleman might seek a lady with the nobility he seeks in himself, which manifests itself completely differently because of the gender gap: a noble male is expected to wear trousers, whereas a noble female is expected to be in a gown, but they are both descriptions of nobility.
I think it happens less as a person becomes less insecure, which commutes to an ease with themselves. They've already got most of the qualities they want, so they have fewer requirements to unconsciously demand; they're more flexible about who they can love; and they're more interested in and joyful about the differences that are there, even if those differences are perceived as flaws.
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Originally Posted by MidasGirl "The five love languages" is a good book to help you love people the way they best respond to, not the way you want to love them. Works for both men and women. |
I also recommend this book.