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Originally Posted by rei  you said you're afraid of being someone's nursemaid. understandable. but i think, reading your post, there might be something else going on there. i wonder if you're afraid of really jumping into this partnership with both feet. |
Thanks for all the perspectives, I appreciate it. You've given me a lot to think about. In fact, I wrote the post and then was afraid to even read the replies, which is why I'm only getting back to it now.
I think part of the problem is that when our first child was born, we both had post-partum depression. I ended up going to a therapist and went on meds for a little while. He refused, saying I could cure his depression by caring about him more. He stopped washing and brushing his teeth (while still complaining about no sex), started a huge fight because I wouldn't agree to buy a custom made $5,000 sex doll, and then started threatened to have an affair, telling me I would deserve it if he did (because we weren't having enough sex). And then he started threatening to leave us. Twice he packed his bags, but did not leave. The third time, he packed his bags and waited for my reaction and at that point I was impassive. He accused me of being cold-hearted and then left, telling me I could have stopped this if I had called his bluff. Later, he wrote an emotional letter saying he never chose to leave, but I forced him to.
I say this not to badmouth him, because he hasn't ever been that bad again. But I feel like he went a little mad, and when he did finally leave, he broke a piece of my heart. He did end up on meds and going to a therapist. I thought I had forgiven him, but I was afraid to have another child with him, and didn't for a long time. And especially sexually, though I do enjoy it, I find it hard to connect with him intimately. Which means, yep, this probably needs a counselor.