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rei · 11-06-2009, 01:59 AM

i have been in a similar situation before. i didn't work with my mother but i lived with her past the normal launching phase (once i had been launched though). and yeah, it can be tough.

but it is easy to frame it as what family members are doing, how they keep us down or rattle our confidence. it is harder, but more satisfying overall (imo) to really and truly accept responsibility for our own role in the situation.

somehow, i promise, there are things you say and do, or things you don't say and don't do, that allow the situation to remain as it is. that may be tough to hear, i know. maybe you want more autonomy and then when you get some type of special privilege at work you don't jump in and say wait, treat me like an employee, not a family member... just an example.

my point is you can get a lot out of figuring out how you contribute to the situation as it currently is. once you figure that out it is so much easier to shift things. you shift what you do/don't do and stick with the change and all the other members of the family end up adjusting their behavior as well in one way or another... it can be a rocky road but if the change is important enough, it's totally worth it.

11-06-2009, 01:59 AM	#4 (permalink)
rei Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere Posts: 9,713	i have been in a similar situation before. i didn't work with my mother but i lived with her past the normal launching phase (once i had been launched though). and yeah, it can be tough. but it is easy to frame it as what family members are doing, how they keep us down or rattle our confidence. it is harder, but more satisfying overall (imo) to really and truly accept responsibility for our own role in the situation. somehow, i promise, there are things you say and do, or things you don't say and don't do, that allow the situation to remain as it is. that may be tough to hear, i know. maybe you want more autonomy and then when you get some type of special privilege at work you don't jump in and say wait, treat me like an employee, not a family member... just an example. my point is you can get a lot out of figuring out how you contribute to the situation as it currently is. once you figure that out it is so much easier to shift things. you shift what you do/don't do and stick with the change and all the other members of the family end up adjusting their behavior as well in one way or another... it can be a rocky road but if the change is important enough, it's totally worth it.