Who are you? Who do you want to be? It seems that you are viewing yourself through the lens of your family and having an immune reaction to them and their judgments even as their beliefs and words continue to cause internal chaos.
"I can't get away from them and their pressure." Is that really the truth? I have been present on this forum for a long period of time. I observe that many of your issues seem to be a rebellion and a reaction to the way other people affect you and your life.
Are you ready to release the strings that bind you to your family in the way those connections presently enslave you? Are you ready to achieve this without anger and resentment? You are capable of changing the current connection with love if that is truly your desire. If there is a stronger desire that you are not aware of, or are unwilling to share with us then maybe you will not really change your behavior.
From my experience with you on this board I believe you are a likable, intelligent and gifted person who has the capacity to achieve almost any goal in life. I also see that you do not have a clear view of your goal(s). I hope you find clarity about yourself, your hopes, your dreams and discover a way to both achieve your dreams and find peace in your life.
May your life be better than you ever dreamed it could be!
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