Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - over-mothered, and want to break free from conditioning

brendannz · 11-05-2009, 08:31 AM

OK guys, time for a long post seeking psycho-analysis, or advice. Please..

OK, when I was growing up, it really did seem like my mother put too much energy in "mothering" and stuff. To the point where in my teenage years through to early 20s, it seems like my mother's whole life revolved around mine. Plus she went overboard in preaching manners, so now I'm too nice to people. Like one time, a friend asked me to go to the movies and I said I had too much assignment work that weekend so maybe next weekend, and she told me "that was a bit rude of you wasn't it?" and I just told her "well possibly, but it was a lot more rude of you eavesdropping my conversations and commenting on them" and then she apologised for that.. Plus i've had about 4-5 jobs in my lifetime where my mum was suspicious about the employer having no intention of paying me for the work.. So she's a bit neurotic.. Like her life philosophy seems to be 'treat everybody like your master, kiss everybody's ass and trust nobody'.. If she gets suspicious I just tell her if you can't trust anybody then nobody can trust you..

But ANYWAY, nobody's perfect, everybody's got their issues, I think all in all, she's a pretty cool mother and plus these days having 2 loving parents these days is a privilege indeed..

But the problem is, I think I've become a neurotic over-polite worrier, and picked up these traits I'd rather not have from my mum. It seems like I can't love anyone, because I'll put too much energy into it.. etc.

Anyone have any advice on this?

1/ breaking free from this faulty conditioning.
and
2/ enforcing new beliefs..
3/ Accepting things the way they were, you can never really have perfect parents..

I want to be a more confident person, and able to trust others.. and not a permanently worried jellyfish..

Maybe it's just a matter of realizing that that's what mothers are like..

Thanks for reading.

11-05-2009, 08:31 AM	#1 (permalink)
brendannz Family Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 3,612	over-mothered, and want to break free from conditioning OK guys, time for a long post seeking psycho-analysis, or advice. Please.. OK, when I was growing up, it really did seem like my mother put too much energy in "mothering" and stuff. To the point where in my teenage years through to early 20s, it seems like my mother's whole life revolved around mine. Plus she went overboard in preaching manners, so now I'm too nice to people. Like one time, a friend asked me to go to the movies and I said I had too much assignment work that weekend so maybe next weekend, and she told me "that was a bit rude of you wasn't it?" and I just told her "well possibly, but it was a lot more rude of you eavesdropping my conversations and commenting on them" and then she apologised for that.. Plus i've had about 4-5 jobs in my lifetime where my mum was suspicious about the employer having no intention of paying me for the work.. So she's a bit neurotic.. Like her life philosophy seems to be 'treat everybody like your master, kiss everybody's ass and trust nobody'.. If she gets suspicious I just tell her if you can't trust anybody then nobody can trust you.. But ANYWAY, nobody's perfect, everybody's got their issues, I think all in all, she's a pretty cool mother and plus these days having 2 loving parents these days is a privilege indeed.. But the problem is, I think I've become a neurotic over-polite worrier, and picked up these traits I'd rather not have from my mum. It seems like I can't love anyone, because I'll put too much energy into it.. etc. Anyone have any advice on this? 1/ breaking free from this faulty conditioning. and 2/ enforcing new beliefs.. 3/ Accepting things the way they were, you can never really have perfect parents.. I want to be a more confident person, and able to trust others.. and not a permanently worried jellyfish.. Maybe it's just a matter of realizing that that's what mothers are like.. Thanks for reading. Last edited by brendannz; 11-05-2009 at 08:35 AM.