Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

mgirl · 11-05-2009, 03:16 AM

Hi - I'm new here

I've been reading Steve's blog for a while and I love the articles he's written. I find it difficult to get my head around some of these concepts but his way of putting things really captures something in me. This seems like a very positive place to me so I hope you don't mind me opening up. Very long personal story ahead so thanks in advance if you read it through.

I'm looking for some help I guess, not in regards to treatments or medical advice.. I need some motivation. I better give you some background info. I've been ill since the age of 16. I was first diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome but now it's come to light that what I actually have is Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.. This is a result of dysfunctioning/failure of the autonomic nervous system. When I stand up, my heartrate becomes extremely rapid, I get lightheaded, my body feels weak (which is chronic whether I'm supine or standing), I get sensations throughout my body and pain along with other symptoms.

To say it's changed my life would be a huge understatement. I am a totally different person now that I would have been had it not been for this illness, of that I'm certain. I haven't been through the most conventional process in regards to being ill, getting a diagnosis, recieving some form of treatment plan. You may know of the stigma attached to a diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.. basically I've not only had to fight through my condition but I've had to fight for people to believe that I'm ill. All along I've carried guilt for having this condition. I went through a period last year where I overexerted myself in rebellion and have subsequently ended up in a worse state than I was before. I have gained A LOT of insight about the world over the past three years, sometimes I feel like a 40 something year old in my perspectives and outlook. I know there's been huge personal development for me, but there have been a number of emotional/mental cons.. namely my constant self-doubting, low self esteem, pessimism, and fear. Fear is maybe the most important thing that I want to address because it's probably at the root of everything else negative that's going on.

The thing is, I'm pretty good at pulling myself out of negative thoughts patterns. That is until I get up and walk around and feel my symptoms hit me like a brick. My mood correlates with my physical state. How can I think positively when I feel so ill?

I've been thinking alot about the law of attraction, and my mum has often talked about how illness often result from an emotional place.. regardless of how serious or trivial it is. And from what I've read here, you are the master/maker of your own future. So if you bring about your illness, somehow on an emotional level, can you also improve it... or even cure it?

The fear I have makes me feel like I'm doomed for an eternity of feeling this way and being alone. The fear makes me feel as though no doctor will be able to help me (this thought also comes from the lack of help I've thus far recieved). And with the doctor thing.. it's like I intend that to happen. I can't stop intending this even though I've read Steve's Intention Manifestation article a billion times. I feel resentful towards people who are healthy but who moan about their shortcomings, who seem to be wasting time or people who abuse their bodies. I know these are not helpful thoughts and they're doing damage. I've tried really hard to be positive but I feel very confused. There has been and still is alot of confusion surrounding my illness, I suspect there has been damage to my spine and I'm still having to plead with doctors for referrals to specialists because they don't see me paralysed or screaming in pain.

So after all of this, I don't really know what I'm asking for. Guidance from people with more life experience under their belt, maybe someone who's been through an illness, how did you stay positive despite everything? What can I do that will have a positive effect on what I'm facing?

Thank you genuinely if you took the time to read all of that.

11-05-2009, 03:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
mgirl Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5	Teenager with neurological illness Hi - I'm new here I've been reading Steve's blog for a while and I love the articles he's written. I find it difficult to get my head around some of these concepts but his way of putting things really captures something in me. This seems like a very positive place to me so I hope you don't mind me opening up. Very long personal story ahead so thanks in advance if you read it through. I'm looking for some help I guess, not in regards to treatments or medical advice.. I need some motivation. I better give you some background info. I've been ill since the age of 16. I was first diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome but now it's come to light that what I actually have is Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.. This is a result of dysfunctioning/failure of the autonomic nervous system. When I stand up, my heartrate becomes extremely rapid, I get lightheaded, my body feels weak (which is chronic whether I'm supine or standing), I get sensations throughout my body and pain along with other symptoms. To say it's changed my life would be a huge understatement. I am a totally different person now that I would have been had it not been for this illness, of that I'm certain. I haven't been through the most conventional process in regards to being ill, getting a diagnosis, recieving some form of treatment plan. You may know of the stigma attached to a diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.. basically I've not only had to fight through my condition but I've had to fight for people to believe that I'm ill. All along I've carried guilt for having this condition. I went through a period last year where I overexerted myself in rebellion and have subsequently ended up in a worse state than I was before. I have gained A LOT of insight about the world over the past three years, sometimes I feel like a 40 something year old in my perspectives and outlook. I know there's been huge personal development for me, but there have been a number of emotional/mental cons.. namely my constant self-doubting, low self esteem, pessimism, and fear. Fear is maybe the most important thing that I want to address because it's probably at the root of everything else negative that's going on. The thing is, I'm pretty good at pulling myself out of negative thoughts patterns. That is until I get up and walk around and feel my symptoms hit me like a brick. My mood correlates with my physical state. How can I think positively when I feel so ill? I've been thinking alot about the law of attraction, and my mum has often talked about how illness often result from an emotional place.. regardless of how serious or trivial it is. And from what I've read here, you are the master/maker of your own future. So if you bring about your illness, somehow on an emotional level, can you also improve it... or even cure it? The fear I have makes me feel like I'm doomed for an eternity of feeling this way and being alone. The fear makes me feel as though no doctor will be able to help me (this thought also comes from the lack of help I've thus far recieved). And with the doctor thing.. it's like I intend that to happen. I can't stop intending this even though I've read Steve's Intention Manifestation article a billion times. I feel resentful towards people who are healthy but who moan about their shortcomings, who seem to be wasting time or people who abuse their bodies. I know these are not helpful thoughts and they're doing damage. I've tried really hard to be positive but I feel very confused. There has been and still is alot of confusion surrounding my illness, I suspect there has been damage to my spine and I'm still having to plead with doctors for referrals to specialists because they don't see me paralysed or screaming in pain. So after all of this, I don't really know what I'm asking for. Guidance from people with more life experience under their belt, maybe someone who's been through an illness, how did you stay positive despite everything? What can I do that will have a positive effect on what I'm facing? Thank you genuinely if you took the time to read all of that. Last edited by mgirl; 11-05-2009 at 03:27 AM.