[harmonysr]

Hi everyone,

I'm in my junior year of high school right now, but the problem is, I'm not happy. And I don't know how to get there. I'm willing to approach suggestions with a completely open mind, so I'd greatly appreciate any advice.

Why do I feel unhappy right now? I don't have a sense of my purpose, or what I should be doing. I feel like I am trudging through every day with no intention. I don't have a clear sense of what I want, because I don't know what I should want and what I should be working towards.

I'm really good at math. I've placed at the top on many regional and statewide math competitions. But I think intuitively/emotionally so I have a disinclination to applied math, so I can't imagine myself being happy pursuing physics or engineering, etc in college. I'm pretty strong academically. I work really hard in all of my classes so I get good grades, but certain areas such as history simply don't make sense to me, so I have to struggle with it for hours to attain the same level of comprehension my classmates have.

I don't know what I should be focusing on right now. Should I focus more on my math studies because I'm so good at it even though I don't like it? Also, I'm really strong at making personal connections through writing because connecting emotionally with people whom I trust comes very naturally to me and I can express myself very well through written communication (I write very strong personal emails, especially they are deeply emotional.) I have developed a lot of insight through struggling through something in the past year, so I have strong perspective about topics like morality, trust, hard work, forgiveness, etc.

Or should I focus more on social interaction? I'm naturally an introvert and being very outgoing is not something that comes naturally to me. I don't have a huge circle of friends. I have a few good friends -- I'm the kind of person who has a few people that I can tell anything to, rather than a huge group of people I talk about surface stuff with. I'm just really shy. The thing is that I realize that it's very important to be socially capable, so I consciously try to make connections with people, though it's a slow process because small talk doesn't come naturally to me.

I just get so frustrated when I feel like I don't have a clue about what I should be focusing on. I feel like everyday is the same routine: school, athletic practice, homework, chat with one or two friends online, sleep. I don't do anything on the weekends, because I don't have a huge circle of friends. I work really hard academically, but I don't see where that gets me right now. I guess I'm just afraid that I won't know what to do a few years down the road and end up being a complete failure. (As in, not being able to find a job that suits my strengths/that I like, not having any connections and friends who can help me...etc). I know what my strengths are (intuitive thinking/emotional connection on a deep level) but I don't know how to best use them right now, and I don't know what I should be focusing on right now - working really hard on the things that don't come naturally to me, or trying to make the most out of what I'm good at even though I don't see how my strengths help me right now?

I feel like I need to look ahead, and have some idea of what I should do in the immediate and distant future, but I don't know what I should be thinking/ how I should approach my situation/ how to come up with goals or things to focus on. I'd really appreciate any suggestions or experiences.

Thanks for reading, and any ideas/perspective would be greatly appreciated.