It seems to me that, from your perspective, you lose either way. Either your husband is selfish, or you are. Neither scenario allows you to be happy, because there is either something wrong with your husband or something wrong with you that needs to be fixed. You're giving your husband the choice of making a bad guy out of you or him, and he's choosing you. You've given yourself the same choice, and big surprise, you chose him. I doubt this is a one-time incident, either. It's probably a tacit part of your relationship that only becomes apparent under strain.
I don't know what your solution to this could or should be. I only know that there is no way for you to win if you make this about who's right and who's wrong. Whether or not your husband is being selfish, so are you, and the fact that he might be worse than you does not negate that. You have to admit your wrongs, at least to yourself, before there can be any lasting peace. I bet your relationship will go a lot smoother once you stop trying beat your husband at being a good person.
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