Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Should children advise their parents to divorce?

jubjub · 11-04-2009, 06:56 PM

Ok so this has been on my mind a lot.
I am 25 years-old and live far away from my parents' house. I moved out for college and have never moved back in (just for a few weeks occasionally to visit) Since I moved out, I learned so much about myself, grew a lot, travelled the world, found a peaceful and loving man, matured consciously.

Without getting into all the history and details of my parents - which would fill a novel - I will say that we are of Eastern European origin and immigrated to America due to a war. My parents have been together for something like 27 years, 14 of them spent here. They have changed tremendously, right before my eyes, from speaking only English in the house to growing financially succesful, on the road to achieving some of their dreams. From the surface, it all looks fine and great. But I can tell they are unhappy. They haven't been happy in this marriage for a very long time. They were not necessarily bad parents, given the circumstances, but they were definitely not always there for my brother and me. Now that we have both moved out, have had relationships of our own, looking at them makes me incredibly sad. They fight constantly, most of the time in a highly tense 'joking' way, which makes it incredibly disturbing and uncomfortable for anyone present. Any chance she gets, my mother will complain about my father, and vice-versa. There is so much contempt in the household, fear, regret, sadness.
It is pretty obvious that they cannot stand each other.
My opinion long ago was that they should divorce. Like, long long ago. I had this feeling when I was 14, a few years after our arrival. When I saw other couples in America, holding hands, kissing, being nicer to their kids, saying "I love you". I've dealt with all the personal issues on my end, gotten past their failings as parents, however now I am worried. I am worried for them if they stay together, out of tradition and lack of conscious understanding that they are destroying each other. I want them to be happy, but it seems all they do is fight. They want completely different things in life. Since they have hardly made any friends in America, I think a huge part of this is that they feel stuck, hopeless.

I suppose my question is, what do you think of children advising their parents to get a divorce? Maybe they feel like we wont approve (which we both would). Should I tell them that I think they would be happier, better off? Is it my place to say anything or should I just stay out of it?
Any suggestions on what I could say?

11-04-2009, 06:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
jubjub Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 1	Should children advise their parents to divorce? Ok so this has been on my mind a lot. I am 25 years-old and live far away from my parents' house. I moved out for college and have never moved back in (just for a few weeks occasionally to visit) Since I moved out, I learned so much about myself, grew a lot, travelled the world, found a peaceful and loving man, matured consciously. Without getting into all the history and details of my parents - which would fill a novel - I will say that we are of Eastern European origin and immigrated to America due to a war. My parents have been together for something like 27 years, 14 of them spent here. They have changed tremendously, right before my eyes, from speaking only English in the house to growing financially succesful, on the road to achieving some of their dreams. From the surface, it all looks fine and great. But I can tell they are unhappy. They haven't been happy in this marriage for a very long time. They were not necessarily bad parents, given the circumstances, but they were definitely not always there for my brother and me. Now that we have both moved out, have had relationships of our own, looking at them makes me incredibly sad. They fight constantly, most of the time in a highly tense 'joking' way, which makes it incredibly disturbing and uncomfortable for anyone present. Any chance she gets, my mother will complain about my father, and vice-versa. There is so much contempt in the household, fear, regret, sadness. It is pretty obvious that they cannot stand each other. My opinion long ago was that they should divorce. Like, long long ago. I had this feeling when I was 14, a few years after our arrival. When I saw other couples in America, holding hands, kissing, being nicer to their kids, saying "I love you". I've dealt with all the personal issues on my end, gotten past their failings as parents, however now I am worried. I am worried for them if they stay together, out of tradition and lack of conscious understanding that they are destroying each other. I want them to be happy, but it seems all they do is fight. They want completely different things in life. Since they have hardly made any friends in America, I think a huge part of this is that they feel stuck, hopeless. I suppose my question is, what do you think of children advising their parents to get a divorce? Maybe they feel like we wont approve (which we both would). Should I tell them that I think they would be happier, better off? Is it my place to say anything or should I just stay out of it? Any suggestions on what I could say?