Firstly, thank you everyone for replying to me. I really appreciate how much thought you have put into it and I will follow your advice. Promise! I would be interesting on knowing, after having read everything I've said, whether people think that quitting my Masters and concentrating on healing my mental health and reprogramming my thoughts full time is better than staying on and trying to do both. It may help to know that I have spent a year on it but I have only done about a quarter of the work, and I was meant to be finished by now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina  Feeling like a failure is a cause, not an effect. The story of what you think is causing you to feel that way is irrelevant and distracting. The real cause is that you haven't yet committed yourself to creating the feelings of success. |
Thank you Steve. I'm going to do what you say and concentrate on feeling like a success, and imagining myself as a highly capable person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rei this doesn't mean you should turn around and beat yourself up if or when you find yourself focusing on problems instead of the positive! you can notice it, and choose to shift the focus without criticizing yourself. i promise that gets easier, or it has for everyone i've come across who's decided to do this. |
Thanks Rei, it's nice to know it gets easier! I will do what you say and focus on the positive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trezker Well, if you really are incapable. If that is the absolute truth. Then I think the only path forward is suicide. |
I've considered suicide many, many times. I've been close to doing it on several occasions. The last time I took an overdose but it wasn't enough to hurt me, luckily. I've been there and survived because underneath it all, I want to live. I know I want alternatives to my feelings. I'm trying to work through them but simple demands like going to my Masters course, reading a textbook or even waking up on time everyday, keep throwing me back into my bad feelings because I keep not being able to do them. I don't want to do this course, not really, I realise that now, and it stresses me out to do it but I also don't want to leave it because I don't want to have to quit and disappoint my family and university, and because I don't want to have to pay the money back, and because I don't want to have to explain to everyone that I did a Masters for a year and then quit, and because I don't really have an alternative right now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Cloud How do you know your feelings are wrong? |
Cloud, I know my feelings are wrong because people keep telling me I'm wrong. My family and friends tell me I can do it. Steve's blog posts say that everyone has power to change. Louise Hay's self-help book keeps telling me "the point of power is in the present moment". They are living proof of this, so intellectually I know my feelings are wrong. I just feel overwhelmed by all the things that are in my life so far, like that I've always been told I was intelligent and got good marks in school but I've always struggled with my feelings of uselessness and self-hatred. Eventually they overwhelmed me just before university. I got really bad marks in my A-Levels but the UK system of clearing allowed me to go to university because there were spare places. I failed year after year, finally struggling through with the help of Prozac and the university counselling service. I came back to university to do a Masters because I was hoping that it would be more positive than struggling through lots of dead-end jobs. I am now seeing a university psychiatrist and with his help and the help of several self-help books and Steve's material I can see that I need to change my whole attitude to life, all my thoughts and feelings. I suppose I just am finding it hard to detach myself from the situation I have created.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indiana Are you trying to hide the extent of your depression and struggle from your friends, family and tutors? Perhaps letting them know how much you are struggling and how much it is affecting you stress-wise, you can all work together to help you.
They would not have invested in you if they did not think you were capable of succeeding, and they want you to. There is no shame in asking for help. |
Indiana, you're right. I have been hiding it all. I hate to burden them all more than I am already burdening them. I'm going to speak to them all.
I'm burned out every day just by getting up. What do I do?