Thanks Blossom for your words of wisdom, care, and empathy.
I understand the amount of time, energy, and thought that is put into threads like this. Thanks for taking the time.
I am introverted yet when I am outgoing I say to myself, "now, this is what I like!" People seem to like those who are more talkative since it correlates with more fun, humor, and charisma.
I have found that on first impressions, people say I am very outgoing and yet I begin to go back in my shell once I realize people will have to get to know me. I have this fundalmental believe that once people get to know me that they won't like me. My own family didn't seem to accept/like me and I have this fear others wont either.
If I had to narrow it down, it would have to be this fear that I am really not OK and that others will somehow see this. Intellectually, i know its all my subjective distortion but emotionally it feels real.
In school, I was quiet and people told me not to be so quiet! Part of it was I was naturally quiet but a lot of it was that I was insecure and anxious of others. I definitely allowed that to effect me and I never felt accepted by my peers until the 11th grade.
It's difficult when you have all these negative memories and not to allow that to dictate your thoughts or damper your confidence. Because it does both and its so easy to know what to do but difficult to do it.
I need to develop self-confidence. Blossom, do you suggest any activities to develop some confidence? I exercise and I am trying to learn to play the guitar but I keep saying that "well, anyone can do that." why is it so hard to accept good things?
|