Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - personal development causing stress in relationship

Tonton Macoute · 11-03-2009, 05:11 PM

well kind of, to an extent at any rate.
right basically I've been seeing a girl now for about 3 or 4 months and I am absolutley mad about her.
she is everything I want in a girlfriend and most of the time I fulfill her too.

However there is a bit of a snag. I'm 26 and shes 20.
for most of my teens/early 20s I was in bands and a bit of a hell raiser and had numerous problems with drugs, alchohol, aggression, relationships and was basically in a nose dive towards destroying my life completely until the end of 2007 when my long term relationship caved in. I gave up drugs and all of my friends immeditely ditched me and I lost my job, my home, my health collapsed to the point where i was told by doctors that I shouldn't be able to walk around.
long story short my life fell to pieces. however at that point I decided I had to make a change or I was gonna ruin my life so considering i had absolutely nothing I just cleared everything of my old life out and into the bin or storage and moved back to my folks for a few months.
I changed my diet and intake considerably, started going to the gym, got a job teaching music in a primary school which I found extremely fullfilling and moved into a new house with some friends. I started a graphic design company which was great boost for my confidence then closed that and went back to college this year. I eventually started meeting new girls and after about a year I met my current girlfriend.
thing is she is only 20 and was in a polyamorous relationship prior to us.
She understandably wants to enjoy her early 20s but I can tell I'm cramping her style somewhat considering I don't really drink and hate going to clubs and bars now as my stomach is so messed up that a few drinks will have me out of action for a few days.
also I've done the whole crazy sexual life style thing and in my mind its always more trouble then its worth and was a contributing factor my last relationship falling apart so I'm very wary.

basically I'm kinda torn. were very happy together but i can see this causing major trouble down the line and I'm not sure if I should just end it now or keep going.
if I give in and start going out with her I can see myself falling into old habits and not giving the attention my life needs in areas like college or health/
likewise if I don't go this route I'm gonna drive her away.

she says shes happier now then she's ever been and wouldn't want to go back to her old relationship but I still feel like I'm just being the old boring guy.

11-03-2009, 05:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
Tonton Macoute Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 10	personal development causing stress in relationship well kind of, to an extent at any rate. right basically I've been seeing a girl now for about 3 or 4 months and I am absolutley mad about her. she is everything I want in a girlfriend and most of the time I fulfill her too. However there is a bit of a snag. I'm 26 and shes 20. for most of my teens/early 20s I was in bands and a bit of a hell raiser and had numerous problems with drugs, alchohol, aggression, relationships and was basically in a nose dive towards destroying my life completely until the end of 2007 when my long term relationship caved in. I gave up drugs and all of my friends immeditely ditched me and I lost my job, my home, my health collapsed to the point where i was told by doctors that I shouldn't be able to walk around. long story short my life fell to pieces. however at that point I decided I had to make a change or I was gonna ruin my life so considering i had absolutely nothing I just cleared everything of my old life out and into the bin or storage and moved back to my folks for a few months. I changed my diet and intake considerably, started going to the gym, got a job teaching music in a primary school which I found extremely fullfilling and moved into a new house with some friends. I started a graphic design company which was great boost for my confidence then closed that and went back to college this year. I eventually started meeting new girls and after about a year I met my current girlfriend. thing is she is only 20 and was in a polyamorous relationship prior to us. She understandably wants to enjoy her early 20s but I can tell I'm cramping her style somewhat considering I don't really drink and hate going to clubs and bars now as my stomach is so messed up that a few drinks will have me out of action for a few days. also I've done the whole crazy sexual life style thing and in my mind its always more trouble then its worth and was a contributing factor my last relationship falling apart so I'm very wary. basically I'm kinda torn. were very happy together but i can see this causing major trouble down the line and I'm not sure if I should just end it now or keep going. if I give in and start going out with her I can see myself falling into old habits and not giving the attention my life needs in areas like college or health/ likewise if I don't go this route I'm gonna drive her away. she says shes happier now then she's ever been and wouldn't want to go back to her old relationship but I still feel like I'm just being the old boring guy.