Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

rei · 11-03-2009, 01:10 AM

i hope this is the best category for the topic. while there's been some heated intensity here several times since i joined, there are fantastic moderators so it seems it rarely, if ever, gets truly out of hand. on another forum i frequent, there are no moderators. it's about free expression and all of that.

i'm finding myself in a difficult situation, people saying some nasty things about me. i know it only triggers me if i let it, and this may mirror internal drama or just show that the community is growing, or all of the above and more. also some of the comments insult my friends by implication (by, for example, calling them 'minions' to my evil plot for world domination).

so far there are only 2-3 people doing this, but it's overwhelming sometimes because i don't really like getting in the mudslinging stuff. what's possibly even worse is this is a forum for spiritually minded people. one of these individuals shared a story recently that amounted to mutual abuse between that person and the other parent of a child (physical and verbal abuse), and i may be a generally kind person but that doesn't make me weak and i'm kinda tired of just tolerating the negativity.

i have no intention of trying to censor or control these people, but i'd like to respond consciously if possible (to what at times seems to be pure bullying). i know i can go on the offensive, i can ignore it, i can try to understand where the other parties are coming from... i could also just leave that forum but the friendships i've made there are valuable to me, especially since it's hard to find a lot of spiritually minded, non-religious people in my geographic area.

how might i handle this? any of you been through something similar who can offer ideas on what worked for you - especially when there are no mods?

11-03-2009, 01:10 AM	#1 (permalink)
rei Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere Posts: 4,076	handling online drama i hope this is the best category for the topic. while there's been some heated intensity here several times since i joined, there are fantastic moderators so it seems it rarely, if ever, gets truly out of hand. on another forum i frequent, there are no moderators. it's about free expression and all of that. i'm finding myself in a difficult situation, people saying some nasty things about me. i know it only triggers me if i let it, and this may mirror internal drama or just show that the community is growing, or all of the above and more. also some of the comments insult my friends by implication (by, for example, calling them 'minions' to my evil plot for world domination). so far there are only 2-3 people doing this, but it's overwhelming sometimes because i don't really like getting in the mudslinging stuff. what's possibly even worse is this is a forum for spiritually minded people. one of these individuals shared a story recently that amounted to mutual abuse between that person and the other parent of a child (physical and verbal abuse), and i may be a generally kind person but that doesn't make me weak and i'm kinda tired of just tolerating the negativity. i have no intention of trying to censor or control these people, but i'd like to respond consciously if possible (to what at times seems to be pure bullying). i know i can go on the offensive, i can ignore it, i can try to understand where the other parties are coming from... i could also just leave that forum but the friendships i've made there are valuable to me, especially since it's hard to find a lot of spiritually minded, non-religious people in my geographic area. how might i handle this? any of you been through something similar who can offer ideas on what worked for you - especially when there are no mods?