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Originally Posted by foxweasel  I do feel used, she knows i love her and i am sorry. same time i know we are here because of my mistakes. but arent we all allowed to suffer hard times, is it not the people who love us that are meant to stand by us and above all be the ones to try and understand and not give up, its not like i wasnt there for her at all in the last 2 months, it just i was under pressure and i messed up. but i would never give up on her. i know its easy for me to wax lyrical here because she cant respond. but i am being honest. she was the light in my day since we broke up i find it hard to enjoy anything. all i want is her back. |
Don't take ALL the blame for this. Plenty of women wouldn't have gotten nearly as upset for the birthday thing. It's her too, so don't forget that and don't beat yourself up too badly. I know for a fact that no one can beat us up worse than we can beat up ourselves in our own minds, so if you find yourself falling into that, try and get ahold of those thoughts and remind yourself that there are TWO people involved in this; not just you.
I could easily say that she should have known that you had something else to do on her birthday, but you still made time to be with her FIRST. That's not the end of the world and she may be overreacting; depending on how bad it was and whether or not what you had to do was really important.
But don't constantly blame yourself for 100% of what;s going on because it's almost certainly not true. It takes two to make ; or two two break it; and that applies to almost every case where there isn't blatant abuse or infidelity; so just at least try to go a little easy on yourself.
I know how frustrating it is and in your head it makes perfect sense that she should just come back. I was once in the exact same situation and when my girlfriend told me that decided to come back (we were engaged for two years at that point BTW).
I had just spent about 4500 bucks taking her to the Florida keys just three weeks earlier; so you can imagine how I felt about that. I was more hurt than pissed, but I can't imagine anyone deciding to break off an engagement in three weeks. I think she just wanted to go on that trip and I felt really used, because she never could have paid for a vacation like that. I freely gave everything I had to her because i loved her unconditionally. I actually would have died for that woman. I mean, I was in DEEP; probably too deep, but deep nonetheless.
When she called and said she was coming home, I was the happiest guy in the world and truly believed that our crisis was over. BUT, then a little while later one of her girlfriends; who didn't care for me too much called and talked her out of it; and she left again; like; an hour after coming back. I couldn't believe it, and went from elated, to completely despondent and depressed in a moment. I was also mad that she was playing with my heart so carelessly; and it showed a side of her i had never seen before. That completely sucked; but i realized that anyone so fickle as to make such big decisions in a matter of minutes just can't be thinking straight; so I had no choice but to let her go. Those roller coaster rides are the pits and so are mixed messages.
This girl called me and asked if we could just get together for sex once or twice a week, like friends with benefits. I told her at that pint :you just have no clue". I couldn't believe that she couldn't understand how much I truly loved her, and that my actions hasn't shown her that clearly over the years we were together. I was just in a state of shock over the whole thing. I was a mess truthfully.
It took me a long time to get over that woman. That was 20 years ago, and I recently found out that she never married and never had any kids. That made me sad for her; because she would have been a great Mom. I actually feel sorry for her that she never found what she was looking for, and she's a bit old to be starting a family now. She's 46; single, no kids and no husband, but she could have had all of that; yet just walked away from the opportunity.
OTOH, and here's where it gets very clear and why I'm SO glad it happened. Had I married her, and if she couldn't have kids (which I have very good reason to believe that she can't; and I'm almost certain that she never could; but din;'t know this at the time), then I wouldn't have my own kids now; who have been the absolute joy of my life, beyond any romantic relationships with women; although they too have been fantastic and rewarding, as well as hard in a few cases as well, but such is love. You always take a big risk when you completely throw your heart out there to someone.
So what I thought was THE greatest tragedy of my life (and it was at the time; make no mistake) in hindsight was probably the greatest blessing I could have possibly ever received; and I'm very grateful and humbled that it happened. I also grew in ways I never would have had that trial never occurred.
You just never know about these things, so if it does come to an end (and I honestly hope it doesn't IF she's truly right for you; because you CAN fully and completely love someone who isn't), just believe that it happened so that something better can come into your life; and that it will at some point. Just flow with it the whole process.
I know your pain, I feel it and it stirs up a few old wounds just talking about it, but like I said, there IS a tomorrow. There's always a tomorrow and tomorrow is another opportunity to be whatever or whomever you want to, and to love someone as well; so never, EVER give up no matter how this plays out.
The moment my first child was born was the happiest moment in my life; equal only to my second child being born. Had I stayed with that woman who I loved so much and was so devastated over, that likely never would have happened, so in a sense, I was taken from one situation (kickin' and screaming) and eventually placed into another that brought me unspeakable joy that nothing can ever take away from me; and for that. I am eternally grateful.
These things happen every day to people everywhere. Know that you're not the Lone Ranger in this. There are millions of people walking around feeling just like you do; both male and female.
These wounds heal, no matter how deep and how enormous they are right now, and they become more and more obscure as time passes. Eventually, you wonder why you ever made such a fuss, but that comes in time. Like I said, it's a process that you can handle, but please, don't blame yourself entirely. Own your part and let her own hers.
It's not completely your fault. Everyone makes mistakes, including your GF, so don't take all of the responsibility. It's not your job to control the entire relationship, nor is it hers. It always takes two, and if you really think about it, you'll have to admit that she hasn't been perfect either; because none of us are, nor will we ever be.