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rei · 11-01-2009, 12:12 AM

i agree with those who have said you're the only one who can figure this out. and i agree with those who have said you don't have to leave.

but if the latest idea to spend less time together doesn't seem to work, taking a break may be a good thing. if you stay, you may become resentful toward her for not being able to explore your options and get all that desire for variety out of your system. even though staying would be your choice, not hers, we are more likely to resent someone at first, rather than immediately accepting responsibility for our choices since that's even more painful sometimes. and if you leave, you may wonder what might have been, if you had found 'the one' and blew it, etc.

there are pros and cons. many healthy, good, satisfying relationships aren't perfect. many guys will feel a bit caged because they view monogamy as unnatural or something. you've learned to improve your social life with PUA so really it would not necessarily be satisfying to you to use those same methods because there's not the same type of challenge. so maybe as a previous poster said, you could explore a new challenge of strengthening your social interactions in ways that are not about flirting. if the goal is really about socializing of course.

i commend your girl for accommodating you, especially if you can do anything but sex with other people. i might not even be comfortable with a boyfriend who wants to make out with other girls, so props for your girl being so open.

in the end this is about what seems like the best option in the short-term and in the long-term. and i definitely agree with Bertrade that maybe what you're looking for is not something you'll totally get with sleeping around. maybe self-acceptance is really what you're looking for, or feeling entirely accepted as you are, something that may seem to come from a one-night stand but not so much as that's purely physical and usually we need to feel a spiritual/emotional connection for the acceptance.

oh, i'll also add, this may be inaccurate, but i think the answers you get from people here will at least partially be shaped by their own experiences and beliefs about relationships.

11-01-2009, 12:12 AM	#17 (permalink)
rei Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere Posts: 9,713	i agree with those who have said you're the only one who can figure this out. and i agree with those who have said you don't have to leave. but if the latest idea to spend less time together doesn't seem to work, taking a break may be a good thing. if you stay, you may become resentful toward her for not being able to explore your options and get all that desire for variety out of your system. even though staying would be your choice, not hers, we are more likely to resent someone at first, rather than immediately accepting responsibility for our choices since that's even more painful sometimes. and if you leave, you may wonder what might have been, if you had found 'the one' and blew it, etc. there are pros and cons. many healthy, good, satisfying relationships aren't perfect. many guys will feel a bit caged because they view monogamy as unnatural or something. you've learned to improve your social life with PUA so really it would not necessarily be satisfying to you to use those same methods because there's not the same type of challenge. so maybe as a previous poster said, you could explore a new challenge of strengthening your social interactions in ways that are not about flirting. if the goal is really about socializing of course. i commend your girl for accommodating you, especially if you can do anything but sex with other people. i might not even be comfortable with a boyfriend who wants to make out with other girls, so props for your girl being so open. in the end this is about what seems like the best option in the short-term and in the long-term. and i definitely agree with Bertrade that maybe what you're looking for is not something you'll totally get with sleeping around. maybe self-acceptance is really what you're looking for, or feeling entirely accepted as you are, something that may seem to come from a one-night stand but not so much as that's purely physical and usually we need to feel a spiritual/emotional connection for the acceptance. oh, i'll also add, this may be inaccurate, but i think the answers you get from people here will at least partially be shaped by their own experiences and beliefs about relationships.