[Lychee]

august,

I'm glad I could do something to help you in some way.

Now as for the questions you ask, I find the last one to hit right on the spot. You ask what if a group of people don't like me. Will I try to adjust my behaviour to fit their standards? Yes, that's the case. And that is exactly what I want not to do.

Adjusting your behavior is necessary in some situations, but not at the expense of who you are. On one hand, you are asking to be the cool guy because being sociable with many people, if not everyone, is indicative of charisma and that component can help you achieve whatever you want in life. But on the other hand, you are not willing to adjust your behavior to fit anyone's standards. I think that if you live by your own standards, your charisma will naturally increase because of your acceptance of who you are. But charisma isn't everything - charisma is the primer for what lies behind the door which is your personality.

Well, I know that I have to change some things about myself in order to suit to my environment, but what I really crave is me being the one who makes things happen and not passively accepting what others feed me.

It sounds like you want to avoid being controlled and are really seeking power over your own life. You cannot accept anything anyone feeds you unless you allow it. Choosing consciously not to accept what others may want for you is making things happen, one step at at time.

For that to happen, I have to know exactly what it is that I want. Which is a big part of the whole problem. For example, if I want to go out with someone it is most probable that I will invite him to join me for a cup of coffee or to come along for football with others. I am not the guy who hungs out in cool places and does cool things that others want to take part in.

You see, until a year or so before, I was totally into videogames. That is why I believe that I have limited options in this area of my life. I know, for instance, that clubs are cool places that attract lots of people my age but I don't feel comfortable in there; especially when it comes to dancing.

You said you don't know what you want, but you are to getting closer to it. You like video games and you don't like to go to clubs. It's only limited because most of the people around you do the things you don't want to do. It won't seem so limited if you open up to people who are into the things you are interested in.

Overall, I don't get it when it comes to hanging out and creating to others that frame of reference for me that says: "He is a cool guy. Wish I could go out with him some time again in the future." It has happened, before, once or twice but accidentally, from my part. I want to be able to create that impression by what I say and what I do and how I do it anytime in my life. I know that I ask too much, but, at least, there must be some guidelines for that matter.

You want to create an experience or impression on the other person so they would want to meet with you again. Is your goal to create a good first impression or to form strong friendships? What if you learn something about the other person which turns you off so you would rather not meet with them again? Maybe you are using the goal of wanting people to think you're cool to act as a gateway for a friendship?

If you want people to simply be impressed by the first impression you give, you can do that by being comfortable with who you are. It's possible that some people may have sensed your confusion and decided not to take the next step forward with you. If you give the impression of confidence and acceptance, people will respect that.