Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - What defines a "Nice Guy" and how to avoid becomming one!

JSB · 10-29-2009, 10:35 PM

As former "nice guy", I've found that the same behavior will be interpreted differently by others purely based on what is behind that behavior.

In the past, I'd do something for a woman when she asked me to because I was afraid she wouldn't like me if I said no; I thought that being helpful, etc. would lead to her being attracted to me (it rarely did).

As I matured, I found that I could still be helpful, "nice", giving, etc. and have others react positively as long as I did it because I genuinely wanted to and as long as I didn't worry about their reactions.

The same external behavior elicited different responses from others when the intention and attitude behind it changed.

10-29-2009, 10:35 PM	#7 (permalink)
JSB Family Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 1,133	As former "nice guy", I've found that the same behavior will be interpreted differently by others purely based on what is behind that behavior. In the past, I'd do something for a woman when she asked me to because I was afraid she wouldn't like me if I said no; I thought that being helpful, etc. would lead to her being attracted to me (it rarely did). As I matured, I found that I could still be helpful, "nice", giving, etc. and have others react positively as long as I did it because I genuinely wanted to and as long as I didn't worry about their reactions. The same external behavior elicited different responses from others when the intention and attitude behind it changed. Last edited by JSB; 10-29-2009 at 10:37 PM.