It doesn't sound messed up at all - in fact, it sounds pretty normal to me not knowing what to do with your life at 19.
Borderline is a personality disorder with some very serious symptoms like self hatred, a black/white view of people (either someone is all good or all bad), extreme mood swings, extreme fear of abandonment, self mutilation and suicide attempts. Nothing in your post indicates that you might suffer from Borderline.
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