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Originally Posted by Fox  I'm just wondering... Am I willing to leave due to wrong reasons? Just avoiding pain. Being a pua seems so narcisstic. They are no longer obsessed with a certain girl- they are obsessed with women/people in general. |
No, you have very valid reasons to want to leave.
1. This is your first real relationship. Statistically speaking, those are most prone to failure anyway.
2. You have a desire to explore what else is out there. Take it from me, that feeling doesn't go away. I married the first girl I had sex with, and I spent the entire relationship always wondering in the back of my mind what it would be like to be with another woman.
3. She is moving away. The relationship is destined to die out anyway. Long distance relationships rarely work out (even though somebody is going to come in here and quote this and tell us how their long distance relationship worked
).
4. The relationship is causing you to move backward instead of forward. You are losing progress that you had made before you got into the relationship (decreasing social life). That is a HUGE red flag right there.
Every single one of these reasons ON THEIR OWN are reasons to leave a relationship. The fact that they all four exist in this relationship really makes it a no brainer.
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Originally Posted by Fox And if this relationship doesn't work then what will? Or is anything ever meant to work (as cylon seems to put it)? |
Stop worrying about the goal and enjoy the process. People are far too worried about "making it work" these days (mainly because society perpetuates it). Relationships should never take WORK, if it feels like work, then it's time to move on. Relationships take MAINTENANCE and there's a difference which I'm sure we'll probably discuss deeper in the thread.
So don't worry about if anything will ever work. Enjoy the time you have together and when/if it ends, find ways to cope with the loss and move on. Don't try to manipulate your relationships toward a goal (i.e. being together forever). Instead, enjoy it for what it is: an enriching experience with a member of the opposite sex. If it's meant to last, it will happen on it's own naturally with basic maintenance and authenticity on both yours and her parts. If it's not meant to last, you'll see it coming from a mile away (i.e. losing growth, moving away, etc.).
Being in a relationship is about FINDING the right person (i.e. compatibility) not BEING the right person (i.e. comprimise). Remember that and you'll save yourself so much time and energy and heartache. And not all sexual experiences are meant to LEAD to a relationship.
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Originally Posted by Fox She says if I leave her now, she doesn't want to be friends with me. She suggests we could be together to spring and then she goes abroad. And when she comes back we could just see if there's anything left. |
That's a decision she'll have to make. Sounds to me like she wants to keep you on the hook as a back up plan. If she finds someone else abroad that makes her happier than you do, she's going to abandon her back up plan.
But essentially, be glad that she doesn't want to be friends with you. Too many people slow down the healing process by trying to remain friends. Make the cut, cut contact, and heal. THEN decide if you want to be friends. Nine times out of ten? You won't. The "I want to be friends" thing is just ways to cope with the pain. We can't deal with outright rejection, so we try to lessen it by trying to manipulate the relationship into a funnel of friendship thinking it'll make it easier to cope with the loss. Truth is, that just makes it harder.
It's like when you get a cut. You HAVE to wash it out and get the dirt out, apply the ointment, and put a bandaid around it. Washing it and applying healing salves hurt like hell sometimes, but it's pain we have to face in order to heal properly so it'll heal right and we don't have problems down the road. Same thing with breaking up. The initial pain is hard, but it's necessary to heal properly and it gets easier in time if you do it right.
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Originally Posted by Fox It's like two kind of propaganda was fighting inside me. Am I being brainwashed by all this pua stuff or by my society? |
No, you're not being brainwashed. You're becoming a man, dude. These are all natural male urges. Society tells us as little boys that these urges are wrong and does everything in its power to guide us away from those urges. But you can't rid yourself of them. YOu can blunt them and go on living as a shell of a man.
Or you can face them, experience them, and realize what most advanced PUA dudes eventually realize: that they eventually WANT to settle down with one woman. But only after they get it out of their system.